Roses
by fantasyfun0311
Summary: Lola Winston is now alone. Opie is dead and Jax is under the impression he has to watch over her. With her husband gone and everything falling to pieces, the only thing that seems to make sense is Jax. (AU)
1. Chapter 1

Roses always made me nauseous.

Like now, as I stared around the clubhouse, the amount of roses made me want to vomit. In fact, the tight black dress and heels I was wearing also made my stomach turn, but not as much as the music that was playing overhead.

I could hear the muted chatter of people around me, but I had tunnel vision.

All I could see was the clear outline of my old man, of my _husband_ tucked inside some cheap coffin that didn't do him justice. The entire concept of death hadn't ever really stuck with me, and now was no different. I could see Opie, I _knew_ he was dead, but for some reason I was still hoping this was all a cruel joke.

I'd only managed to take three steps towards him in the last hour, and apart from raising the glass of whiskey I held tightly in my hands, I couldn't move.

I'd requested no service, just a wake, and I was so grateful that the MC approved that request. How was I supposed to share my goodbye with the entire club? How was I supposed to tell the love of my life goodbye for the _last_ time, in front of a room full of people?

They understood.

They were giving me plenty of distance, and besides a few gentle pats and hushed apologies here and there, everyone left me alone.

I took another step forward.

When I'd gotten the call from Jax, I thought he was kidding. I remembered I'd laughed. _Laughed_ like some kind of soulless bitch. Yet he wasn't joking and from that moment on my entire world took a spin for the worst and it didn't seem to be stopping any time soon.

I took another step forward.

Gemma showed up at my house three days after the call to help me begin my funeral arrangements but I hadn't moved from my bed. I was still wearing the same clothes; a SAMCRO shirt that was Opie's, and nothing else.

It still _smelled_ like him; like aftershave and leather and motor oil. Like forever.

I took a shaky step forward, and a sip of my drink. My hands were shaking something fierce and my eyes were starting to burn.

At first Jax was terrified I hated him.

At first I wasn't sure if I did or not.

How do you accept the fact that your husband loved an entire criminal organization more than he loved you?

But that wasn't Jax's fault and I couldn't hate him for choices that were solely Opie's. I couldn't hate him even if I wanted to.

I could clearly see Opie now, his serene expression a contradiction even in death. I hoped he was happy. I hoped he was peaceful.

I took another step forward, sucking in a deep breath to stave off the tears. The effort was fruitless, because as much as I hated to cry in front of other people, right now it was just Opie and me. It was just us in this tiny room.

I took a long drink and held my glass at my hip, embarrassed by how shaky my hands were.

Taking another step forward was like a stab to the gut and my tears were flowing freely now.

 _Damn it, Opie._

He wouldn't ever answer me again, he wouldn't ever smirk at me and wrap me up in his arms and rub his mouth against mine.

He wouldn't ever lift me onto the tips of his boots so he could kiss me good and proper.

I took that last step forward and frowned down at the man in the casket.

He looked like Opie.

He smelled like him.

He was wearing his wedding ring.

And yet, he was reminiscent of a cocoon without a butterfly. A cage without a bird, an oyster without a pearl.

He was a shell of the man I literally yearned for.

"You bastard," I whispered as I ran my hand across his forehead.

He was cold and still and completely unlike the man who loved it when I ran my fingers through his long hair.

His eyes didn't flicker open and his mouth remained slack.

He didn't wake.

 _He's dead, he's dead, he's dead._

I opened my mouth to say goodbye, but instead, I felt myself releasing my hold on my wet glass and leaning forward to rest my cheek against Opie's chest.

The sound of shattering glass drew attention to me, but I didn't care, because it was just me and Opie in the tiny room.

I laid a palm against his cheek, I listened for that familiar heartbeat that told me it was all okay.

 _He's dead, he's dead, damn it Lola he's dead._

Two strong arms wrapped around me and lifted me from Opie, even though I fought hard.

"It's okay, sweetheart, it's okay."

Jax's gentle voice in my ear was only a small comfort as reality came crashing into this tiny room with Opie and I and I realized that it would never be just him and I again.

"He's dead," I whispered raggedly into Jax's collar.

He cupped the back of my head and held me to him.

"I know. I know," He whispered.

The pain was ungodly, it was staggering, it was _real._

"Jax, Opie's dead. What are we going to do?," I asked.

His blue eyes were red and bloodshot as he tried to keep his lower lip from quivering.

Slowly, he nodded.

" _I'm so sorry_ ," he breathed as he ducked his head.

I began to catch the glimpse of everyone standing around watching us and suddenly the tiny room seemed even smaller and the urge to flee was overwhelming.

"Take me home, _please."_

Jax didn't need to be asked twice before he wrapped me up in his arms and saved me from myself.

My hands were still shaking as Jackson led me into my home. _Opie's_ home. _Our home._

It was dark and the air felt heavy with the longing I couldn't seem to turn off. Jax watched me closely, his blue eyes blazing, as I worked my cardigan off and threw it onto the back of the couch.

It was too quiet in this place, too quiet without him here.

No television blaring, no rock music playing, no steady _clink-clink_ of tools being dropped in the garage.

"Lola."

Jax's voice was raspy as he said my name, and the tone instantly drew my attention to him. He scratched the back of his neck as he looked at me.

"Tell me what you need," he said softly.

"Opie."

I know that's not what he meant, but that's what I said, and it made him hang his head in shame.

"I told him not to do it, I begged him! Lola, _please-"_

" _Stop._ I believe you, and I forgive you."

He didn't look like he believed me but I didn't have the strength to argue.

I lit the fireplace as I slid my heels off, tossing them near the coat rack. They heavy sound they made was the only noise in the room besides the flickering flames that barely warmed my aching soul.

"Can I ask you a question?," I murmured.

Jax nodded and stepped into the living room.

The tall Windows allowed a lot of light to filter into the living room, and the moon was full tonight.

I could see Jackson clearly even though the house remained dark.

"When Tara split, it shook you up. I remember. Did you ever love anyone enough to say goodbye to this club?"

He didn't answer me immediately, instead he opted for resting his hands on my shoulders and kneading the tension there.

It felt heavenly so I didn't stop him.

"No. I was young and dumb with Tara, I thought she was my only link to happiness. Turned out she was just what mama warned me about."

The tone of his voice left little to the imagination.

"And Wendy?"

"We all fuck up. Remember when Donna left Opie? He thought he'd never love anyone else again. Then you came along and knocked him on his ass," Jax said with a gentle kiss to my temple.

"But he didn't love me _enough_ ," I whispered.

Jax tsked and shook his head, turning me to face him.

"He asked me to look after you. He's asked me multiple times and I never thought the day would come when he wouldn't be here to do it. But it's here, Lola. And you never have to worry about being alone."

His words were kind, they were sweet, they were undeniably _Jax._

I'd always admired that about him-his moral compass and the loyalty and love he felt for those he cared about.

"You've got a lot on your plate, sugar. I know you don't have the time to be here with me, making sure I don't crack. I'll be fine," I said with a gentle pat to his cheek.

He placed a warm palm over my hand and shook his head with an amused smile on his face.

"See what I mean? You just lost your old man, my _best_ friend, and you're comforting me. I know you're one tough bitch, darlin'. I _know,_ but right now you don't have to be," He argued.

My face fell instantly and the facade I was working so hard to master crumbled.

"He left me! He fuckin' chose this club over me and it _killed_ him, Jax. He's dead!," I cried.

He yanked me into his chest and wrapped his arms around me tightly.

The pain came crashing in.

In waves it washed over my faster and faster, rougher and rougher until I could barely breathe. I couldn't see anything behind the black of my eyelids because my tears were burning as they fell.

Like a waterfall they rose and fell, and that ache inside of me grew and grew until I wanted it to swallow me whole.

 _I wasn't good enough._

 _He left me here._

 _I didn't save him._

The agony that spilled from between my lips was nothing short of sincere as Jax rocked me back and forth in his arms. Slowly we slid to the floor together, and nothing but the shallow sound of my breathing and sobs filled the room. I could hear Jax sniffling into my hair as we held one another so tightly I feared we would both bruise.

 _Don't let go, don't let me go._

"I'm sorry, Lola. Damn it, I'm so _fucking_ sorry," He cried into my hair.

One of his hands came up to cup my cheek as he nestled me further into his arms, using the wall behind him for leverage.

And there we sat, crying, with nothing but the shadows of my husband flickering along the walls to keep us company.


	2. Chapter 2

It was too sunny out.

The light that snuck into my bedroom beneath thick purple curtains was nothing short of annoying, and only served as a reminder of the fact that Opie would never feel the sun on his skin again. Instead of getting out of bed like I should have, instead of pulling the covers off of my body and finding my phone to call Gemma and tell her I'd be back to work today, I pulled the covers over my head.

I nestled deeper into Opie's side of the bed and tucked his pillow into my arms.

If he was here he'd wrestle it out of my tight grip and press his mouth to mine. He'd smile against my mouth and slide his hand into my panties hoping he'd get lucky.

Today there was no one but me in our king size bed and the loneliness was crippling.

Instead of me calling Gemma, it would seem that she was calling me, because my phone began to ring loudly on the nightstand behind me.

I put it to my ear and said hello.

" _Lola?"_

I groaned.

"I'm getting dressed."

Gemm snorted in my ear.

" _I know this ain't the best time baby, but I need a favor."_

I knew that she wasn't kidding.

"What's wrong Gem? Is it Jax?," I asked, jumping out of bed.

" _No, I need ya to post my bail. I fucked up and I didn't have anyone else to call," She said softly._

She sounded tired, and I didn't hesitate.

"Don't worry about the money, Gem. I'll be there in a jiffy."

I climbed into the shower, turning the water on to near scalding, and sighed.

I wanted to get out of the house, but everywhere I looked something reminded me of the fact that Opie wasn't here.

Every day Jax would call me, but it was very rarely that I would actually let him in. It was very rarely that I would open the door, and even though he had a key, for the most part he appreciated my boundaries.

 _I'm terrible._

 _Terrible, awful._

Except for two nights ago when I'd awoken to him climbing into bed with me.

 _It was dark out._

 _I jerked awake, suddenly aware of another presence in the room. The telltale rustle of leather on denim told me it was Jax, and the scent that usually emanated from his pores washed over me. Nicotine, motor oil, whiskey, and the subtle scent of whatever cologne he favored._

 _I sat up in bed, dropping the covers from my body as I turned to my side so I could watch him. Even in the darkness I could see the grief marring his face. His face was drawn down into a frown that rivaled mine, and it wasn't until he made it down to his boxers and socks that he said something._

" _I can't sleep. I didn't want to be alone."_

 _I knew what he meant, what that translated into: I miss Opie so much that I can't stand to close my eyes._

 _Instead of answering him, I tugged the blankets off of me and made room for him._

 _He glanced at me thankfully and climbed in beside me, wrapping one strong arm around my waist._

" _You're losing too much weight," He's whispered into my ear._

 _I knew that he was right, but I didn't care._

" _I'm fine."_

" _About as fine as me, maybe. Close your eyes, Lola. Get some sleep. I'll be here in the morning."_

I'd done as he said, closed my eyes and fallen asleep. And when I'd awoken, he was there, shirtless and wearing nothing but a pair of threadbare sweatpants. With one hand held out, he'd offered me a fresh cup of coffee.

I'd taken it.

No words were spoken as we'd readied for the day, and apart from a kiss to my forehead, we had no further connection.

As I slid into a pair of leggings and a fresh SAMCRO tank top, I slid into my biker boots and brushed my hair out. Falling just past my shoulders, it was a riot of black curls that bothered the hell out of me. Today was the first day I'd brushed it in a while, and it felt so good to be clean.

As I slid my purse strap over my shoulder, I pocketed my phone and made my way out the door, pausing at the sight of our old rusty pick up truck. After climbing inside I turned on the radio and lit a cigarette hoping that would clear my head. It didn't, instead it only served as yet another reminder of the fact that I was lost.

 _Lost, lost, lost._

Pulling into the jail parking lot, I kept an eye out for Gemma. When I watched her strut her stuff as she exited the building, she paused mid-step and cast me one of her signature smirks.

As she opened the truck door, she just sighed and hopped in.

"You look like hell, baby."

I laughed, reaching over to kiss her cheek.

"Says the woman who spent the night in jail. What'd you do this time?," I asked as I pulled out onto the street. She hung her head in shame and shrugged.

"I fucked it all up, Lo. With Nero."

I winced, taking her hand into mine.

"It'll all work out, Gem," I assured her.

Her somber eyes told me she didn't believe me but that didn't matter. What mattered was that she'd just given me the motivation I needed to move forward. To escape my head, to escape that bed of mine at home. To open my eyes everyday with the intention of living my life.

 _Ope would want that._

 _He'd want me to_ _ **live.**_

Gemma tightened her hold on my hand as we pulled onto the lot, and I kissed the back of her hand.

"Why don't you handle your business and let me handle the lot today? Head on home, clean yourself up," I suggested. Her gaze was intense as she looked at me.

"Damn I missed you, baby. Thank you. Are you sure you're up for it?," She asked gently.

I patted her hand and nodded.

"Gotta get back in the game. Opie would want that."

She didn't say another word as she climbed out of the truck. I myself hopped out soon after, tucking my phone into my back pocket. I was tying my long hair into a knot on the top of my head when I heard a familiar cat call come from the garage.

"Well, if it ain't the most beautiful woman in all of Charming," Tig called as he wiped his hands on a red bandana. I snorted.

"More like Cali, ya old fart."

He laughed, wiggled his eyebrows, and motioned for me to move in for a hug.

He wrapped his strong arms around me, whispering how much he'd missed me in my ear. I felt at ease as he released me, I felt better.

"I missed you too," I said as I patted his cheek.

He dropped a kiss to my temple as he motioned towards the office.

"Chucky is havin' a hell of a time tryin' to keep this place afloat. He'll be excited to see ya, sweetheart."

I smiled at that, because Chucky was the sweetest man.

"I'm excited to see him," I admitted. Tig watched me silently for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face, before he waved and turned towards the clubhouse.

As I made my way into the office, I saw the man of the minute and smiled wide,

"Who is that handsome man?," I called, reveling in the shy smile Chucky gave to me. He waved at me and I kissed his cheek.

"Why don't you head inside and make me a cup of Irish coffee, heavy on the whiskey. I'll get this place up and runnin'," I said with a wink.

His smile of relief was all I needed to see as he nodded.

"I accept that," He murmured as he headed towards the newly renovated clubhouse.

I glanced behind me, to see a familiar line of bikes parked off to the side of the lot.

Opie's was still parked right where'd I'd left it, glinting in the sunlight.

I was in the middle of remembering of when he'd taken me for my first ride on the back of that bike when I felt a hand land on my shoulder.

I jumped, catching a grin from Chibs.

"How ya doin', lass?," He asked as he wrapped me up in his arms.

I lied.

"I'm okay," I said softly.

He scoffed and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"I know that's a load of shite."

I shrugged, tried to smile it away, but his chocolate gaze told me he knew better.

"We're havin' a party tonight, sweetheart. Why don't you come? Relax? I know Jackie boy misses ya," He offered. I nodded.

"Sure, I'll stay. I could use a good night of debauchery and drunken-ness."

Chucky cleared his throat and held out a steaming mug to me.

"You're the best, Chucky. Thank you," I said sincerely. He nodded.

"You're welcome, Lola."

Looking around the lot, it was amazing how everything and nothing seemed to change at the same time.

"Chibs, can I ask ya something?"

He nodded and tucked a smoke between his lips.

"Do you think I was a good old lady?," I wondered.

He frowned.

"What the hell do ye mean, _was?_ Lass, you're still old lady status to us," He said with a shake of his head.

"I guess sometimes I just wonder why Opie chose the club over me. I knew what I was gettin' into when we got married, but as a woman I guess I still wonder."

Chibs wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"Listen to me, sweetheart. What Opie did ain't got nothin' to do with how much he loved ye, ya hear? He _loved_ ya, Lo. He did. Don't ever question that."

I nodded my head, but he kissed my cheek anyways, gesturing towards the garage.

"Got a lot of work to do, but I'll check in later."

I watched him leave, resenting that reaper on his back more than ever.

As I walked into the office I closed the door behind me and let the tears finally fall from my eyes. Leaning with my hand plastered against the door, I cried out Opie's name as I realized he would never walk through the very door I was holding on to again.

He wouldn't ever sneak a kiss during his shift.

He wouldn't ever leave me a love note on the desk.

 _Moving on is awful._

Squaring my shoulders I reopened the door, welcomed the fresh breeze, and sat down behind the computer as I sorted through fresh pink slips and files.

Time slipped away from me as I turned on the radio and began listening to music. In between reorganizing the disaster that had grown in my absence, answering the phone, and greeting customers the day went by faster than anticipated.

It wasn't until a solid knock on the door caught my attention that I realized it was getting dark out.

Looking up, I saw the worried expression on Jax's face.

"What's wrong, baby?"

He didn't answer my question, instead he turned and closed the door behind him and sat down on the couch across from me.

I set down the stack of papers I was holding, ready for tomorrow's long day, and turned to face him.

I scooted my chair closer to him and laid a hand on his thigh. He placed a calloused palm over my hand and looked up at me.

"I missed ya, Lo."

I hung my head, ashamed at the fact that I'd left him high and dry in his own grief.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around, Jax. I didn't mean to leave you all alone," I whispered.

He shook his head and leaned forward. I could see all the lines around his eyes as he looked up at me again.

"I got a lot of shit goin' wrong right now, Lo. It's good to see you. Actually, it's the only good thing that's happened all week," He said with a small chuckle.

I smiled at him, a warm feeling spreading through my belly at the idea of being needed, even in a _small_ way.

"I missed you," I admitted. He touched his forehead to mine and closed his eyes.

"Thanks for the other night," He said.

I shrugged.

"Helped both of us. It was the last night I got any sleep," I said truthfully.

He chucked me gently under the chin.

"Same. Maybe I'll stay at your place tonight? I don't have to be here early tomorrow and I could use the sleep," Jax said with a smile.

"Mmm, I promised I'd stay for the party tonight. But if you're up for taking care of a drunk Lola, then that plan works for me."

His smile came to life then, that real grin that showed me all of his straight teeth.

He cupped my cheeks in his hands and kissed my forehead.

"My sweet Lola, I hope you get so drunk that all your bad memories disappear."

 _That's a guarantee._


	3. Chapter 3

_I don't own Sons, but I wish I did!_

Thank you to everyone who is following this story, I love that you're interested in my work and I appreciate all of your reviews!

Enjoy :)

 _(_ Jax)

When Lola said drunk, she fucking meant it.

Watching her now brought a smile to my face that I hadn't felt in _weeks._ She had her hands above her head and she was shaking her ass all along the bar too as Juice and Tig cheered her on. Happy stood not too far from them with a cigarette in his hand and a smile on his lips. Ratboy was watching them with an amused look in his eye, but she didn't care.

No, Lola Winston didn't give a shit about anyone or anything as she laughed at something Juice said.

I was sitting near the pool table, keeping an eager eye on our little whiskey princess. She looked so much like the woman I'd seen for the first time years ago as she threw her head back and laughed.

I still remembered seeing her that night, watching her, wanting her.

Opie had been crying over Donna as we drank scotch, his long hair tucked under a beanie as he told me all about how Donna had broken his heart.

It was in that moment that I'd seen Lola, with her curly black hair and her bright blue eyes. She'd breezed past me on her way to her college graduate boyfriend, her perfect mouth downturned as she rounded on him with a clenched fist.

" _Really, Luke? You're gonna tell me that little twat is_ _ **just**_ _a friend? I caught her suckin' your dick!," She snarled. Her long hair was tossed over her shoulder, revealing a very intriguing tattoo._

 _She had her pretty hands clenched into tight fists against her side, and the dress she was wearing was a deep purple._

 _Luke, her apparent boyfriend, looked at her like she was worse than the dirt on the bottom of his name-brand sneakers._

" _Who gives a fuck, Lola? You and I both know you ain't gonna find better than me in this bodunk town. Quit actin' all high and mighty," He said with a shit-eating grin._

 _Lola stiffened at his words, and this was when Opie turned to see what I was staring at._

" _Damn, she's gorgeous," Opie said softly._

 _I heard it then, in his voice- the interest._

 _What kind of best friend would I be if I interfered?_

" _Fuck you, Luke! You sucked in bed anyways," Lola muttered loud enough for us to hear._

 _Opie grinned as she tossed a twenty onto the table before Luke, who's face had since turned as red as a tomato._

" _Use that to buy yourself some class, you sack of shit. Don't call me ever again," She said angrily as she flipped Luke the bird._

 _I smiled then, grinned, so turned on by the sight of that tiny hellion giving that ass hole exactly what he deserved._

 _But it didn't stop there._

 _Luke, embarrassed by the way she'd bested him, tossed the twenty at her._

" _Why don't you use it to buy yourself a new life, sweetheart? Everyone at this table knows your trash. Don't act like I wasn't the best thing to ever happen to a trailer rat like you," He said coolly._

 _I watched her almost fold in on herself, obviously used to the way this prick talked to her. Instead of walking away like I could see her debating with herself about, she smiled this...breathtaking smile that told me she was nothing but trouble, and spun around to face him._

" _Here's an idea, Luke. Why don't you go fuck yourself?," she asked as she hit him with a solid right hook._

 _He fell to the floor instantly, his nose bleeding and his eyes watering._

" _You bitch!"_

" _And don't you ever forget it!," She spat, shaking out her hand and squaring her shoulders._

 _When it was clear that Luke was down for the count, she laughed to herself, glancing around at the entire bar that was now focused on her._

 _I wanted her._

 _Her gaze caught mine, held it, but before she could say a word Opie stopped her._

" _Let me buy you a drink."_

And that's how I lost the only chance I ever had to have the girl of my dreams.

I didn't begrudge Opie his happiness with her, of course not. He was my best friend and he deserved to be happy.

But it was times like now, when I watched her fit in with my family and steal all of their hearts all over again, that I wished she'd smile at _me_ like she smiled at Opie every day for five years.

"I see the lass stuck around."

I glanced over my shoulder to see Chibs watching me, his astute gaze making me distinctly uncomfortable. I shrugged.

"Yeah, she's havin' fun."

Chibs sat down next to me, his mouth quirked around a cigarette as he settled himself.

"We've missed seein' her around here. Always like a breath of fresh air when she breezes through," Chibs commented.

I smiled.

And then I noticed Chibs watching me, and he laughed.

"Aye, Jackie boy. You still love that lass, don't ye?"

I frowned, opening my mouth to argue, but he shook his head.

"Don't bother. We've known it since you and Ope brought her back here all them years ago. Only thing we couldn't figure out was why ya let yer best friend take her from ya," Chibs wondered aloud.

I hung my head.

"He was happy."

"Ye think ye don't deserve happiness, son?"

I didn't like where this conversation was headed, because I wasn't the kind of man who deserved to have a light like Lola ease my darkness.

Chibs cleared his throat.

"Opie is gone, lad," He said softly.

I knew what he meant; now was my chance. Now was my time, but it _wasn't._ Lola was having a hard enough time working through her shit, she didn't need me panting after her.

"She don't need me," I told Chibs.

He patted me on the thigh and gestured towards Lola.

"Aye, maybe ye think that now, but who is she watchin' right now?"

True to his word, when I glanced up, her cerulean eyes were trained on me, and she smiled when she caught my gaze.

Just like she'd done six years ago.

She waved me over and Chibs pushed me forward, his eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

"Go on, man. Ain't polite to keep a lady waitin'," He said casually.

As I made my way towards her, she smiled wider and held out a hand towards me. Just like it always had, the gesture gave me butterflies. She had no idea how beautiful she looked, with her hair in disarray and her cheeks flushed. Her tank top was sliding off of one shoulder, and I could see a hint of her tattoo peeking out.

 _Don't fall all over again._

But it didn't matter what I told myself, she was the one thing that stayed constant in my heart. Through death, bloodshed, pain, and betrayal she was the only thing that stayed _good._

"Dance with me," She breathed as I neared her.

She gestured to Chucky to hand her the remote to the stereo and when she changed the song to something slower, Juice and Tig groaned. When I caught Tig's glance over her shoulder, I could see he wasn't mad though. No, he winked at me and dragged Juice outside to smoke.

I pulled her in close and she wrapped her arms around my neck, bringing her perfect tits against me.

"Are you okay? You haven't been around all night," She said softly as she nestled herself closer to me.

 _She smells like sunlight._

"I'm alright, darlin'. How about you? Feelin' okay?"

She nodded and laid her head against my chest.

"Feels weird without him around, but I can't sit and mope forever," She whispered.

 _I'm an awful person, lusting after my best friend's wife._

"It'll get better," I said lamely.

She played with the hair at the nape of my neck, something that made me want to slant my mouth over hers.

"You make me feel better. Thanks for stickin' around, Jax," She said huskily as she pulled back to smooth hair away from my face.

She'd always been an affectionate little kitten, and we all knew she only meant to show warmth and love when she did things like that. She was loyal to a fault, and even now, I could see her genuine affection for me shining in her eyes.

 _Kiss her._

I smiled instead and shrugged.

"Who else is gonna take care of your drunk ass later?," I joked.

She snorted and tugged on my beard hair as she closed her eyes sleepily and tightened her hold on me.

"Can I stay here with you tonight instead? I don't wanna go back to that house," She slurred.

"Of course."

I looked around to see the clubhouse clearing out anyways, so I picked her up in my arms and chuckled when she squealed.

"Please don't let go," She said sleepily.

Kissing her forehead, I told her something I meant with all of my heart.

"I'll never let you go."

(Lola)

As I opened my eyes slowly, Jax's room came into view and I huffed out a breath. He had one arm slung over his head, the other laying across his bare chest.

I took a moment to appreciate him because as of late I'd been a shit best friend, and I damn well knew it.

His hair was getting longer, his beard needed a good trim. But he still looked like that street brawler I'd met six years ago. He still had those kind blue eyes and that easy grin that told me he genuinely cared about me.

It was nice to have someone care for you no matter what, but Jax was more than that. He was my rock right now and no matter how hard I pushed against him, he never budged.

"What are ya thinkin' about, darlin'?," I heard.

My gaze flew to Jax's and sure enough he was watching me through heavy-lidded eyes.

"How much I love you," I said with a giggle and I pinched his cheek.

He pushed my hand away, chuckling right along with me.

"Ma is gonna bite my head off for lettin' you sleep in here. Make sure you let her know I was the perfect gentleman, yeah?"

I scoffed, sliding out of bed to find that I was pant less.

"The perfect gentleman, huh?"

His pearly whites met my eyes as his eyebrows hit his hairline.

"Sorry, sweetheart. That was all you."

I groaned and searched for my pants, which were stuffed under Jax's bed for some reason. As i bent over to grab them I heard Jax clear his throat.

"Your panties are see through."

I jumped, turning to face him with my pants pressed against my crotch. His smile was scandalous.

"Jackson Teller, were you looking at my treasure cove?," I asked.

He burst into laughter and rolled onto his side, holding his chin up with a palm.

"I ain't ever heard of it bein' called a treasure cove before but let me just say, yours is definitely a _treasure_ ," he told me as he laughed again.

My cheeks flamed as I blushed and slid my pants on.

"I'm telling Gemma you're bein' mean so she gives you all the shit pink slips today."

He rolled his eyes and got out of bed, wearing nothing but a ratty pair of boxers.

"You do that and see if I still take care of you when you're too drunk to walk," he shot at me.

"Don't act like you didn't like dancin' with me cowboy," I called over my shoulder as I opened his bedroom door. I was met with the strong embrace of Juice as I traveled to the kitchen to beg Chucky for breakfast.

"How ya feelin', footloose?"

I jabbed him in the side, laughing when he grunted.

"I'm alright. You see Gemma yet? I wanted to talk to her about something," I asked.

Juice shrugged and kissed my temple as he left me alone in the kitchen.

"What can I get for you, Lola?"

I turned to face Chucky and smiled.

"Mornin' handsome, let me get some coffee and a muffin."

He nodded eagerly, handing me a steaming mug.

"You sweet man, you're well prepared."

He laughed and shrugged like it wasn't a big deal.

"I figured you'd need it," He said.

"You were right. I'm gonna take this muffin to go, and find Gemma."

He waved as I walked onto the lot, waving at the boys as they came onto the lot one by one to start their shifts at the garage.

"Hey sweetcheeks, you look like hell," Gemma called with an affectionate smile.

I kissed her cheek as I neared, swallowing half of my coffee in one go.

"I'm fine, Gem. Tired as all hell." I said softly.

"You spend the night with Jax?"

I stiffened.

"Yeah, why?"

She smiled then, leaning forward to press her mouth to my forehead.

 _What'd I do?_

"That boy loves ya, you know. He really does," She said as she stepped away from me laughing. I felt my face crumple in confusion.

"What's the matter?," I heard.

I glanced at Happy and shrugged.

"Gemma is one confusin' broad," I said softly.

He held his hand out, and in his palm was a set of keys.

"These are Opie's keys. Thought you might want them, mama."

I swallowed the tears I felt crawling up the back of my throat and nodded.

"Thanks, sweetheart. I appreciate it."

He nodded, running a hand down my arm.

"You okay? Ya need somethin'?," He murmured huskily.

I shrugged.

"A new life?," I joked.

He shook his head, squeezing my hand as he his grip on me lessened.

But they keys in my hand were burning a hole through my skin that I couldn't shake. I was quaking inside, ready to crumble.

I'd been good all week, I hadn't wanted to crumble once.

Not fucking _once._

 _And there it was._

Like a fucking tidal wave, like a massive internal earthquake, my entire being _shattered._

"Mama? You okay?," Happy asked.

I nodded quickly, not wanting him to know how close I was to ripping my own hair out.

"Hey, tell Jax I'll see him later, okay?"

Happy's gaze fell as he watched me closely.

"Lola? Lola, talk to me."

"I _can't,"_ I hissed as I quickly made my way towards the front of the lot.

Happy didn't call after me, and I knew that he wouldn't but that didn't slow my gait down any.

I needed to be home, I needed to _get_ there.

As soon as I saw the house come in to view, I sighed with relief. My shaking hands struggled to unlock the door, but as soon as it was open, the scent of Opie assaulted me and I slammed the door closed behind me.

 _Rage._

 _Fury._

Why would he willingly give up his life?

 _Why would he fucking leave me?_

 _I don't have anything left._

Tears fell, they flowed actually, but nothing besides the fury I felt mattered.

Pictures from our wedding day hit the floor as I yanked them from the walls, wincing when the sound of shattering glass filled the empty room around me. It didn't _matter_ though, because all I could think about was that damn pair of keys and what it meant.

It meant that my husband was dead.

It meant that a motorcycle and what it stood for, was more important than me.

The keys went flying across the room, knocking over Opie's favorite lamp.

It went falling to the floor, crashing against the hardwood and shattering into a million different pieces.

 _It'll never fit back together right, just like I won't._

I ran my hands through my hair, wondering if the pain ever lessened.

 _Does it ever go away?_

It didn't seem like it would end, and as luck would have it, my anger didn't _go away_ either.

Which meant that the next thing to catch my line of sight was the flower arrangement Gemma had sent me from Opie's wake, and it ended up across the room in nothing but a pile of broken stems and petals.

"Opie, _why?"_

The words came out garbled and full of tears.

I didn't get a response, and I didn't really need one. It wouldn't change the truth. It didn't matter what Chibs said, because Opie couldn't have _loved me._

You don't leave someone behind when you _love them._

My phone was ringing now, loudly too, and it sailed through the air and smashed into the wall. It rained down plastic as I cried into my knees, holding on tight as the room spun.

 _Dead, dead, Opie's dead._

 _Gone, gone, my husband is_ _ **gone.**_

Who did I have left?

We had no children, my family was long gone.

Who was going to hold me at night, who was going to kiss me when I was feelin' sweet, who was going to tell me everything was going to be okay?

No one, no one, no one.

The utter loneliness I felt in that moment was infinite; in my destroyed living room, my pain was tangible.

I stumbled into our bedroom, knocking Opie's things off of the shelves as I went.

His wedding ring, his favorite watch, the same beanie he wore the night we met.

All of it landed in a pile as I shuffled through drawers and tossed anything and everything of his onto the floor. The pile only grew as my tears continued, and by the time I made it down to his sock drawer, I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe right.

Pausing, with one hand against my mouth and one planted over my heart I wondered if it was even _worth it_ to stick around.

I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror of my dresser, my _lonely_ reflection, and I saw it.

I was changed.

Forever, and for the worst, I was no longer the woman I used to be.

Opie, this life, this _tragedy_ was going to ruin me for any other man. For any other _ending,_ really.

My closed fists met the glass and I cried out as it shattered around me like a wayward constellation of glass and grief.

Drown the pain.

 _Drown it, Lola._

 _Fucking sink this ship._

Time didn't matter, the sunlight didn't matter.

 _Nothing matters anymore._

(Jax)

Lola wasn't answering her phone, and it was getting late. Happy mentioned to me that she'd seemed upset when she left earlier, and now I was worried. She hadn't answered Gemma either, which didn't make any sense.

"Hey brotha, ya get a hold of Lola yet?"

I shook my head as Happy looked around the vacant lot.

"Something's wrong, Jax. I can feel it."

I could feel it too, like an eeriness in the air that I couldn't shake. It was too quiet.

It was humid, like it was going to rain and the air felt sticky.

"I gotta go," I said softly.

Happy's gaze shot to mine.

"You want back up?"

I nodded, heading for my bike.

As I started the engine, a ball of panic began to swell in my stomach. Lola wasn't the kind to flake, and lately she'd been so touch and go. I was hoping like hell she was just sleeping, but I knew better. I wasn't sure how or why, but I fucking _knew_ better.

The night air clung to my kutte as I pulled into her driveway.

Happy opted to stay outside.

Looking up at her house I could see her bedroom light on, which I thought to be a good sign. Her front door was unlocked, which worried me. The club had too many enemies at the moment for her to be safe keeping her door unlocked. I knew she was a perfect shot too, and so my panic began to rise.

"Lola? Darlin', where are ya?," I called.

Silence.

I was met with silence.

"Lola?"

When I got to the living room, I froze.

It was destroyed.

Everything was either toppled over or broken, and the entire living room floor was covered in glass.

 _No._

"Lola!"

Still no answer, and my feet hit the floor hard as I ran up the stairs to the second floor.

A cursory glance told me she wasn't in the office or the guest bedroom which left only her bedroom to check.

I opened the door slowly, and once again my eyes met the sight of a disaster. She wasn't anywhere to be seen in her bedroom, but the light in her ensuite bathroom was on and the door was wide open.

I stepped over broken glass and scattered clothes, obviously Opie's, as I made my way to the bathroom.

 _What the hell happened here?_

Peeking my head inside, I felt my heart stop when I saw Lola lying in a pool of her own blood. Opie's knife lay next to her, and the deep gashes in her wrists were leaking blood too fast. Her eyes we closed, and she was lying on her back with her arms spread wide. Clad in nothing but one of Opie's old t-shirts and a pair of green panties, she was covered in sticky red goo.

I fell to my knees, lifting her across my lap.

"No, no, _no! Lola!,"_ I cried out.

Her eyes fluttered open and her gaze locked on mine.

I balanced her head over one forearm and used my other hand to gently pat her face.

"Come on baby, open your eyes. Keep your eyes open!," I said as I hurriedly flipped my phone open to dial the clubhouse.

"Chibs, I need you here at Lola's stat! Bring your medical kit," I said quickly.

I only heard half of his agreement as I slammed the phone closed and tossed it across the room.

"Lola, darlin', open your eyes for me," I said lifting her tighter against my chest.

I wanted to call for Happy, but there wasn't time.

Her bloody fingers wrapped around my hand, spilling blood across my white t-shirt as she groaned.

"Sleepy...," She whispered.

"No, ya gotta stay awake. Stay awake for me," I said glancing at the growing pool of blood beneath us.

 _What do I do?_

 _What the hell do I do?_

I couldn't help it, tears filled my eyes as her blue gaze met mine.

"Jax, I'm sorry," She said shakily.

Her pupils were blown wide as she tried to focus on me.

"Don't say sorry, it's gonna be okay, but I _need_ you to stay awake!"

She was trembling now, her lush lips turning an awful shade of purple.

"Damn it, Lola, I love you and I ain't lettin' you die on me," I said as I tore off strips from my shirt and tightly wrapped them above her wounds in an effort to slow the blood flow.

She hissed in pain, but her lips were moving as if she wanted to tell me something.

I lifted her into my arms again, and her head lolled back. She was limp, she was like a wet noodle, but she was still murmuring.

I pressed her mouth to my ear in an effort to hear her over my pounding heart and the heavy footfalls of Happy on the stairs.

"I wanna go, I wanna go home," she was whispering over and over again.

 _She is home, what does she mean?_

I smoothed hair away from her face, my fingers sticky with her blood. Her cheeks were covered in bloody fingerprints but she didn't care and neither did I.

"Lola, I'm right here. You're gonna be okay," I told her.

Her eyes were closing when Chibs came slamming into the bathroom, Happy close behind him.

The groan that left my throat was the only sound in the small bathroom as Chibs fell to my knees beside me.

"Move aside, Jackie. The lass is bleedin' out, and she doesn't have much time left."


	4. Chapter 4

Can I just say how awesome you all are?

I love your reviews!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this story :)

(Lola)

Agony.

The word is often used, often felt, but no ever talks about what happens _after_ the agony is gone. After the suffering is over. After you've hit rock bottom and literally have nowhere left to fall.

No one talks about what happens to everyone around you when the agony begins to fade and reality sets in.

When those tiny moments of panic begin to ease and disappear, when that little voice filled with doubt inside of your head finally quiets.

No one talks about the moment when you open your eyes and realize that it's going to be _okay._

The moment I opened my eyes and discovered I was in Jax's bed for the second time, it took me a moment to remember.

Remember that I'd tried to kill myself in a moment of weakness.

I wasn't at the clubhouse but at Jax's house and it scared me that I couldn't remember how I got there.

I could hear quiet murmuring coming from down the hall and the telltale sign of Abel's little voice.

I waited a little while longer before I moved. I soaked up all the strength I could muster, and not just physically. Mentally I had to prepare myself to face someone that I hadn't even said goodbye to.

I knew that finding me the way Jax had was surely going to fuck up our relationship.

I _knew_ that.

I just wasn't prepared for it.

I wasn't prepared for much of anything right now, including the look on his face when he saw me.

Yet I couldn't lay here in bed either.

I couldn't lay here and wallow like I had been.

They say that when you're about to die your life flashes before your eyes and that is correct.

Almost like a montage of all these moments I'd lived and loved, my life had flashed before my eyes in slow motion.

My wedding day, my favorite birthday, mine and Opie's first Christmas.

The first time Jax had taken me for a ride on his bike.

The day Jax had shown me how to take apart an engine from beginning to end.

I realized that not all of my memories revolved around Opie and I know that he honestly wouldn't want that.

I'd been foolish to think that my life was over simply because his was. I was allowed to love him and move on.

In my head I knew that, but convincing my heart of that fact was harder than I ever thought it would be.

Slowly I swung my feet over the side of the bed and touched my toes to the carpet.

I could hear the tv now, playing some cartoon theme song as I gently stood.

My wrists were bound tightly with white gauze and the skin stung when I rubbed it.

Obviously someone had stitched me up and I was willing to bet my left tit it was Chibs.

The idea of anyone else seeing me like that, bloody and half dead on my bathroom floor, made me wince.

I took a deep breath and moved towards the bedroom door, glancing at the clock as I did so.

 _Past noon._

 _I wonder where everyone is._

Yet I didn't really want to know, because all I cared about was making sure Jax was okay.

As I opened the door I could see Jax was shirtless and standing in front of the stove, stirring something that smelled divine.

He had a dish towel slung over one shoulder and his hair was falling forward in his face.

"Aunt Lola!," Abel yelled as he headed right for me.

I smiled down at him, kneeling so he could wrap his little arms around me.

He nuzzled into my neck and I closed my eyes at the feel of him hugging me.

"What happened to you?," he asked me. He gently stroked one gauze wrapped wrist.

"Ya know, I fell and had an accident," I said glancing up at Jax.

He had his arms crossed across his chest as he watched us and I could see that his jaw was clenched from here.

"Are you gonna be okay?," Abel wondered.

I kissed his forehead and ran a hand through his hair.

"I think I'm gonna be just fine," I said smiling so I wouldn't cry.

His big blue eyes were so like Jax's that it was hard _not_ to love him.

He smiled and kissed my wrist.

"Daddy says ya gotta kiss your boo-boos to make them better."

I looked up at Jax whose eyes were watery as he watched me intently.

"Your daddy is right, buddy."

Abel nodded, placated, and ran back to the tv and sat down on the couch.

I struggled to stand for a second, and when I righted myself Jax was busying himself with making what looked like a bowl of soup.

I came toward him and he stiffened.

I dropped my gaze to the floor and reached out to touch his back.

His whole chest heaved as if he was fighting to hold his breath.

"Jax?," I whispered.

He didn't look at me but he relaxed as I moved my hand around his waist, slowly turning him to face me.

"Jax I know I fucked up but I need to know you're still here for me," I whispered shakily as he continued to ignore me.

I didn't even get my whole sentence out before he had me crushed against his chest, his hands buried in my hair.

"Lola, I swear you're gonna be the death of me," he said as he buried his nose in the crook of my neck.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on tighter than I ever had before.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't meant it. I didn't mean it," I said as he pulled back to look at me.

"You _did_ mean it, Lola. What I want to know is why? You were doing so well!," he argued.

I choked on a laugh and shook my head somberly.

"Do you remember when I asked you if you'd ever loved anything enough to leave the club behind?," I murmured.

A glance over my shoulder told me Abel was still busy.

Jax nodded.

"How do you think it feels knowing that even after five years of marriage, you're still not _that_ important to your husband?"

Jax sighed deeply and took my hands into his.

"I'm so fucking mad at you, Lola. I know what you're saying but you knew who you were marrying," he said roughly as he kissed my palm.

"I understand that. But I'm still human and I'm still a woman and every woman wants to come first," I said calmly.

Jax wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. His gaze cut to me sharply and he spread his arms wide, peeking at Abel to make sure he wasn't watching us.

"You didn't even say goodbye."

"I didn't want to say goodbye to you, Jax. Why would I ever want that?"

His blue eyes were burning a hole into my skin.

"I ain't even worth a goodbye to you?," he asked me.

I could hear how hurt he was, and that killed me.

"You deserve better, actually."

His eyebrows pulled together as he slowly shook his head.

"I'm out of my fuckin' mind, baby. You deserve for me to be better. I should be better. I don't ever want you to feel as alone as I felt last night," I said softly.

"Two nights ago."

I felt the tears overwhelm me.

"You've been going crazy for two days haven't you?," I asked.

He choked on a silent sob and nodded.

"Yeah, I have. You're all I got left, Lo. Why'd you think you had to leave me?," he asked with a shrug.

I wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and shook my head.

"It wasn't you, it was all me. I'm not going anywhere," I said sternly.

Jax wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me tighter than he ever had.

"Please don't ever fuckin' scare me like that again. _Please_ , Lola."

I kissed the side of his mouth and promised.

"I won't, okay? I won't. It's gonna take a while, but I know I can make it through this."

He didn't seem to believe me so I cupped his cheek.

"What'd you tell me the other night when I was so drunk I didn't even remember my own middle name?"

"I'll never let you go."

I nodded.

"And you didn't. You _saved_ my life. I'm not gonna let you down again, Jackson."

He sighed with relief and the tension melted from his shoulders.

"I was so worried I'd never hear your voice again," he admitted.

I closed my eyes in shame.

"I'm so sorry," I said- and I meant it.

I wasn't going anywhere.

The clubhouse was quiet as I meandered through the halls, attempting to avoid anyone and everyone. Gemma was having a town function, something about sticking together in tough times. Nothing big going on, but it left the lot deserted except for a few crow eaters who were pleasant enough as I made my way to the office.

After watching morning cartoons with Jax and Abel I'd decided to head home and clean up.

Except when I'd gotten home, the house was spotless. Which meant that Jax had sent over some prospects to clean the place up.

It was greatly appreciated not to have to clean up my own blood, and at the same time, it was awful.

Awful to think I would have left this world and a lot of people in it so abruptly, with no closure.

I could hear someone working in the garage and I signed with relief when I saw it Rat.

"Hey, Lola. How are ya?"

I pinched the material of my long sleeved shirt tightly around my wrists nervously.

"I'm great, how are you?"

I smiled, shrugging a little.

"I'm doing fine, just came to work on some paperwork," I said as I opened the office door.

"Aren't ya gonna head to the party? Seems like everyone could use a little break from the shit that's been goin' on here."

He was right, we all could, but I didn't want to face the world yet.

"I'll be fine, but you should head out. Have a good time," I said with a small wave.

He just nodded and I watched as he headed for the clubhouse, a pep in his step that I envied.

With a small breath I opened the door and slid into the office, grateful for the time to myself.

Today was hard.

The office was quiet, and the sun had gone down about an hour ago. I was working tediously, cleaning, rearranging, refiling.

I'd completely re-filed every document Teller-Morrow had to offer me, and it still didn't feel like enough.

There was some music playing in the garage, but I didn't hear it. I wasn't paying close enough attention to know that the music had stopped altogether at one point either.

I also had no idea how long Gemma stood in the doorway watching me work and curse under my breath as I rearranged the desk.

"You comin' to the party?"

I jumped at the sound of her voice, pressing a hand to my pounding heart.

"I hadn't planned on it."

Her dark hair was piled on top of her head in a loose knot, her chunky blonde highlights in complete disarray. She canted her head to the side as she stepped into the office, shutting the door behind her.

I waited for the storm, but when she turned to face me with tears in her eyes, I was speechless.

"I'm gonna tell ya somethin', baby, and I want you to hear me. Do you understand?"

I could only nod as she plopped down on the couch.

"When Jax called me yesterday I hadn't heard him sound like that in...years. Not since Tara left, and even then he was filled with teenage dreams that were far above his head. Do you have any idea how _much_ that boy cares about you?," Gemma asked as she finally made eye contact with me.

I wasn't sure what to say, I wasn't sure if I could say anything at all. Gemma didn't get emotional, and when she did it usually always fell into the category of angry.

So I just shook my head.

She smiled sadly and patted the seat next to her.

Her spiky heeled boots were crossed at the ankle, so I stepped over them to sit down.

"I know everything seems like it won't ever get better, baby. But it will. I know you're hurting, believe me- when I lost John, everything seemed to fall apart. And then one day I woke up and realized that he wasn't ever comin' back," She told me sadly. Her dark eyes roamed over my face as she cupped my cheek.

"Opie isn't comin' back, but why the hell would ya wanna leave _us?_ Leave _Jax?_ "

I dropped my chin to my chest and swallowed the tears down.

"It hurts."

"It's always gonna hurt, but if you coulda seen the look on that boy's face...Lola, he loves you. He _loves_ you, and I think you need to think about that," She said as she stood to leave.

"Wait! Gemma, what are you sayin'?"  
She just smiled again and blew me a kiss as she jerked her head towards the parking lot.

"You got someone waitin' for you in town, baby. Have fun tonight."

I opened my mouth to ask her a million questions, but she was already gone.

 _What the fuck is she talking about?_

The entire park was lit up with twinkling lights, and I could hear children laughing from every direction. It was dark but it wasn't quite late yet.

I caught sight of the boys chatting around a tree, smoking and laughing with beers in their hands. I smiled to myself, ready to head over there, when two little arms wrapped around my legs.

I looked down into the eyes of Abel.

"Aunt Lola! You came," He said with a smile.

I nodded, leaning down to pick him up in my arms.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and motioned towards the picnic tables, where music was playing.

"My daddy told me that when you like a girl you ask them to dance, will you dance with me Aunt Lola?," He asked, his squeaky voice too cute to deny. He was a little guy still, but he was smart as a whip and I tried not to forget that fact.

"Of course, sweetheart."

He asked me to drop him down so he could take my hand and lead me towards the music. Once we got close enough to hear it, I noticed it changed to something slower, something about a romantic summer, and Abel motioned for me to pick him up again.

I did so and he tugged on a wayward piece of my hair.

"You look pretty," He said.

I nuzzled my nose against his and laughed when he began to giggle.

"You look handsome," I told him, pressing his forehead to my mouth as he leaned in close.

He wrapped his arms around me just a little bit tighter, and I let him lay his head on my shoulder. I closed my eyes as I felt genuine happiness work it's way into my bloodstream.

This right here, this feeling of loving someone, well I thought it was gone.

I forgot about everyone else when Opie died, and Gemma was right.

How could I have thought that I was alone?

Abel lifted his head slightly, and I saw Neeta coming towards me with a smile on her face.

"Good to see you, Lola. It's time for this little tiger to get to bed," She said as he hugged me gently around the shoulders.

I nodded and Abel leaned forward to press a kiss to the corner of my mouth.

"Night, Aunt Lola. Love you!," He said sleepily.

I smiled as they walked away, tucking hair behind my ear.

I felt a warm hand on my back, and I turned to see Chibs's smiling eyes.

"Hey, lass. How ya feelin'?"

I cupped his cheek and just nodded, accepting the hug he gave me as he turned me in his strong arms.

"Ye had all of us scared, sweetheart," He whispered.

I nodded against his shoulder.

"I know, baby."

"As long as you're sure yer gonna be okay?"

He pulled back, cupping my cheeks in his hands.

I heard laughter behind us, and caught a sight of Tig making an incredibly obscene gesture for a family function.

"I'm going to be just fine," I said softly.

Chibs nodded then, motioning towards his bike.

"I'm headed home, but I know Jax was lookin' for ya earlier, lass. Stay safe."

"Hey, Chibby?"

He paused, waiting for me to speak.

"Thank you."

His expression softened, turned tender.

"Anytime, sweetheart."

As he left I turned to face the group of men I'd been actively avoiding all day, but when I saw Jax watching me, I inhaled slowly.

His blue eyes didn't stay on mine, no, they worked their way all the way down to my toes and then back up. I couldn't see anything romantic floating in his eyes, but then again he'd always been affectionate and slightly flirtatious- that was Jax.

He was wearing a purple plaid shirt and fitted jeans that were a little tighter than I was used to seeing on him. His hair was falling forward in his eyes, something else that was different. Tig turned to look at me and motioned towards me to come closer.

Hesitantly, I stepped towards them, only to be lifted off of my feet as Juice careened into me and threw me over his shoulder.

"Lo's here! Now this party can really start!," He called with a loud whoop.

Happy slapped the back of his head and shook his head.

"Put her down, you ass hat. She's tired," He said.

I glanced at him and mouthed a thank you before Juice set me on my feet haphazardly. I rocked to the side, bumping into Tig.

He wrapped an arm around me as Juice frowned at me.

"Why ya tired, Lo?"

I rolled my eyes and accepted the cigarette Jax held out for me.

"I got myself a new lover, and he's real adventurous."

Tig choked on his drink and turned to look at me with wide eyes as he laughed.

"You saucy minx! What's his name?"

I played along, tapping my mouth with my index finger.

"His name is Hugo, and he _loves_ to be spanked," I said with a wink at Juice.

His brown eyes were as wide as dinner plates as I giggled. Everyone began to laugh before Juice stuck his tongue out at me.

"You were kidding."

I nodded.

"Rude," He said as he took a hit from my cigarette. Tig patted my shoulder and kissed my hand.

"I've got my own freaky bitch waitin' for me back at the clubhouse. I'll see ya tomorrow, baby."

I nodded and jumped when Juice leaned in and bit my shoulder.

"Yeah, I have two joints and a new video game waiting for me. I'll see ya tomorrow, Lo."

I watched my favorite little weirdo go with a shake of my head.

"Ya feelin' okay, mama?"

I turned to see Happy and Jax watching me.

Happy looked concerned, Jax looked sad.

"Yeah. And I wanna say sorry, for what you had to see. For being there," I said as his dark eyes assessed me astutely.

He just shrugged, always a man of few words, before he yanked me into his chest.

"I ain't the one ya gotta be sorry for, baby."

His words didn't make much sense as he whispered them until his gaze fell on Jax.

 _Oh._

 _What is going on?_

Happy patted my shoulder roughly, turning and walking away with no explanation as to where he was going.

 _Always the broody brother._

I turned and faced Jax.

"I saw you with Abel earlier," He said.

I smiled.

"He told me I look pretty tonight, and that his daddy told him that when he likes a girl he should ask them to dance. I think you're creatin' a little mini-you Jax Teller," I said with a smirk.

He chuckled, rubbing his hand across his beard. He glanced towards the radio still playing music.

"Lola, would you honor me with a dance?," He asked, holding out a calloused hand.

My smile fell a little as I looked up into his eyes.

And there it was.

That love everyone was talking about.

Butterflies the size of crows came to life beneath the tender skin of my tummy. I swallowed audibly and took his hand, feeling warm and fuzzy when his smile grew.

He pulled me deeper into the dark, a little farther away from the crowd as he lifted my tiny frame into his arms so I could put my feet on the tops of his tennis shoes.

I paused at that, because at one point I remember crying over the fact that Opie and I would never do that again.

 _He wouldn't ever lift me onto the tips of his boots so he could kiss me good and proper._

But did _Jax_ want to kiss me?

His blue eyes were sparkling in the twinkling lights around us. One hand ghosted across my hip as he tightened his hold on me.

"I'm sorry."

He nodded his golden head.

"I know you are, Lola."

That was it, that's all he said before he dipped his head and pressed his forehead to mine.

Something unfamiliar was working its way through my system as I thought about what Gemma had told me earlier.

 _Lola, he loves you. He_ _ **loves**_ _you, and I think you need to think about that._

Now that was all I could think about as I replayed all of our intimate moments in my head, trying to decipher them, trying to analyze them.

Jax ran his fingers through my curls, smoothing them away from my face.

His fingers didn't stop there though, no, they caressed my cheek gently as he tilted my head up the slightest bit.

"Can I ask you somethin'?," He murmured huskily.

I stared into his handsome face, transfixed, unable to look away.

"Six years ago, the night we met in that bar, did you feel it too?"

 _He's talking about the connection we have._

 _That fucking inferno beneath our skin._

 _He's talking about how easy it would for me to press my mouth to his and not regret a fucking thing._

"Yes," I whispered.

He kept his forehead pressed to mine as he smiled to himself, closing his eyes, almost in pain.

"Am I allowed to tell you how fuckin' beautiful I think you are, Lo?"

He pressed a hand to my cheek and I leaned into it, reveling the feeling of his warmth.

He was familiar.

With anyone else this would feel wrong, but it was Jax.

 _Jax._

It only felt right.

I knew that Opie wouldn't be mad, because he'd told Jax to take care of me, and he was.

"You're too good to me," I said out loud.

He pulled my arms tighter around his neck and shook his head.

"You've always been here for me, Lo. Always. You've taken care of me more times than I can count, and ya know what? Findin' you dyin' on your bathroom floor was the worst fuckin' thing I've ever done," He said.

His voice was gravelly, filled with emotion.

"I said I was sorry-"

"I ain't mad. It hurts me, because I know ya don't care about me the way I care about you."

I pulled away, narrowing my eyes at him.

"What the hell does that mean, Jax? It had nothin' to do with you. You mean the world to me, baby. What's goin' on in that head of yours, huh? You're my best friend," I said, reaching for him.

He shook my hold off as he turned away from me, planting one hand on his hip and running the other through his hair.

"Jax, what the hell is goin' on?," I asked, reaching for him again.

He shook my hand off of his arm and pierced me with his turbulent blue eyes.

"Lola, don't you see it yet? What more do I have to do? Damn it, I know Ope was your old man, but he was _my_ best friend. Do you think it makes me feel good, knowin' I've been in love with his wife since the first night I fuckin' laid eyes on her?," Jax asked me furiously.

I felt my jaw drop, but I didn't say a word.

 _What the fuck am I supposed to say?_

He had his arms spread wide, and I tried to step into them but he stopped me.

"I don't want to be your _friend_ , Lola. I wanna be your _man._ I love Ope, and I always will, but six years ago, it shoulda been _me._ You shoulda married _me_ ," He said gruffly.

He was practically panting at this point as he shook his head, trying to clear it.

I did the same.

I had no idea what the hell was happening, but now what Happy and Gemma said made so much sense.

"Jax-"

He stopped me by pressing his mouth to mine.

Rough and desperate, he cupped my cheeks in his strong grip and slanted his sweet mouth over mine. His tongue was warm and tasted like honey when it slipped between my lips, causing me to gasp at the sensation.

One hand fell to my ass as he yanked my hips to his, and I could feel just how much he wanted me through the thin fabric of my sundress.

I heard myself moan, a tiny sound, and it had him pulling away from me and looking down into my eyes as they slowly opened.

"I gotta go."

And then he was gone, and I was changed, and my heart was still pounding in my chest.


	5. Chapter 5

(Lola)

Four days.

I hadn't heard a peep from Jax in four days.

It was the longest we'd gone without talking every day apart from when Abel had been missing. And then it was only because the connection was shitty and our calls kept dropping, no this was entirely different. I feared the worst; that he'd been scared off, that he was angry with me for not realizing that his feelings for me ran deeper than I'd ever thought possible.

Had we always had a connection?

 _Yes._

Had we always been thick as thieves?

 _Yes._

Had I loved Opie so deeply that I felt the loss of him in every fiber of my being?

 _Yes, yes, yes._

So what about Jax?

He'd always been there for me, and I always thought it was partially out of obligation to Ope, but now I had no idea what the hell was going on. Opie had never said anything to me about Jax or our relationship, so I never thought of it as wrong when we spent so much time together. I never thought of it as weird when he called me in the middle of the night just to talk, or when he would show up at my door for me to fix him up instead of having Chibs do it after a run.

I never thought anything of it when he would take me out when Opie was busy or doing something for the club and couldn't make it.

 _I've been blind._

Like the time Opie was doing something illegal for the club on our third anniversary and couldn't make it to the fancy dinner reservation I'd arranged.

Instead of seeing Opie on my front porch that night, I'd seen Jax dressed to the nines in dress slacks and a tight-fitting button down wearing a shit-eating grin.

" _Figured we met on the same night, so why not have dinner with me? Wouldn't want to waste that dinner reservation."_

That night we'd laughed, drank wine, danced together.

It was one of my best anniversaries, but until four days ago I thought he was around all the time and there for me because that's what you _do_ for family.

"Hand me that wrench, would ya, Lo?"

I glanced over at Tig, who was watching me.

Clearing my throat, I gestured for him to move out of my way. He scooted from beneath the Impala he was working on and I took his place.

I worked the wrench until the bolt he'd been struggling with popped off and then I reached out and handed it to him.

"Thanks, baby. What are ya doin' in here? Ain't it your day off?," Tig asked me.

I peeked up at him and sighed.

"Tig, I gotta ask ya somethin', and I don't trust anyone else to be honest with me."

"Okay," He said softly as he sat down next to the tire near my head, his blue eyes wide.

He drew his knees up to his chest and lit a cigarette while I laid back and tried to find the words I needed to ask him.

"Did you know Jax was in love with me?"

His blue eyes could have burned the skin right off the tip of my nose.

"Baby, that man's been in love with you since the day he introduced you to us," He said softly.

I winced, knowing Tig would never lie to me.

He took my hand in his and sighed heavily.

"I ain't got daughters anymore, baby. Dawn is dead and Fawn don't want nothin' to do with me, and rightfully so. You're all I got left, and I know ya been through hell, kid. I know it ain't ever been _easy_ for you. But I want you happy, so let me put it to you this way," He started.

I stayed silent and he wiped his mouth with a dirty hand.

"Jax is a little lost. A little sore, a little defeated right now. You wouldn't ever have to worry about him hurtin' you, at least not on purpose. He doesn't have to hide with you, and he sees you exactly for what you are. Trust me when I tell ya that it ain't easy to find someone like that in this life, okay? You know this. You had Opie. But every day that you had Opie, Jax wished he had _you._ If you decide that bein' with Jax is something you want, baby, then we'll all support you," He finished, kissing the palm of my hand gently as he dropped it.

I wanted to tell him thank you, but instead, I crawled to my feet and wrapped my arms around him.

"I love ya, Tiggy. I want to thank you for everythin' you've done for the past six years but it wouldn't be enough. No words I could ever say would _ever_ be enough, so I'll tell ya this instead," I said tilting his chin up so he could see into my eyes, " You ever want some daughter-daddy time, you call me. I know I ain't blood, but you've never steered me wrong, and I couldn't ask for a better daddy even if I had one."

His lower lip trembled slightly and he closed his eyes as he sucked in a breath.

"Lola! I need to see you," I heard.

We both turned to see Clay watching me from the clubhouse, his eyes cold and hard.

Now Clay and I hadn't had beef before the last couple of years; but now I was with Opie and Jax in the belief that he was single-handedly dragging this club down with his need for power. His greed had always been a problem, but lately all he cared about was himself. Being alone with him was something I never wanted to do, but Tig's worried gaze swept over me and I knew he was thinking the same thing.

I waved to Clay to signal I was coming, and he walked back inside, his oxygen tank following.

"Be careful."

Tig was smiling, but I knew that what I'd said shook him to his core- his hands were shaking as he lifted his cigarette back to his mouth and slid back underneath the Impala.

On shaky legs, I headed for the clubhouse.

Only a few pairs of eyes were on me because most of the guys were on a run for the day, but it made it easier to sneak into the clubhouse and meet Clay.

He was in his throne, watching me from across the reaper as I stepped into the room where Church was held.

"Take a seat," He said.

He was wearing a smile, but he surely resembled the wolf after he'd eaten Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother.

"I'll stand," I said casually.

His eyes narrowed.

"Your old man ain't around no more, Lola. If I tell you to sit, you sit."

I'd strangle the old bastard myself before I ever let him best me, or oust me from my family- but I sat, intrigued by his sudden interest in me.

He leaned forward, his eyes zeroed in on my face.

"No offense, Clay, but you ain't president anymore. Your threats hold no weight."

He laughed, really laughed, as he sat back.

"I always did like your sass, girl. You think that just because you're fuckin' Jax too that you got some hold here?"

I sat back myself, eyeing him.

"You think you scare me, is that it? Well, please enlighten me as to why you wanted to see me."

His hands came together, resting clenched on top of the table. I ran my fingers along the lines of the reaper, wondering when he'd come calling for me.

"Despite what you may think of me now, I ain't got no ill-will towards you, Lola. You've been loyal to this club since day one, and you never gave me trouble. So I'm going to give you a warning."

I leaned closer, curious to a fault.

"Oh yeah, and what is that?"

"Stay away from Jax, or you're gonna get hurt."

Of all the things in the world, that was one thing I did not expect to hear.

Not from Clay.

I narrowed my eyes at him, huffing a laugh.

"What are you playin' at, old man? You don't care about me."

"Stay away from Jax, Lola."

His tone left no room for argument, but I didn't say a word until he slammed a gun onto the table and looked at me pointedly.

"Is that a threat?," I asked, nodding towards the gun.

"Take it however you want, but look at his track record. Everything he touches dies, Lola, and I don't want that for you."

I stood, slamming my chair into the table hard enough to make him grunt.

"You mean you don't want me to die by _his_ hands, but it wouldn't bother you if it were _yours_ , would it?," I hissed.

I slammed a palm onto the top of the table and smiled sadistically.

"If this is a veiled threat, then remove the buffer, baby. My whole life for the last _six years_ has been run by you and your selfish, stupid decisions! Don't back down now, not when I ain't got nothin' left to lose!," I yelled, sending the chair I was holding flying.

The door burst open and Jax came barreling in, his eyes wide with confusion.

"What the fuck is goin' on here?," he asked, looking between us. Clay slid his gun back into his pocket and shook his head.

"Nothing."

He looked to me for an answer and I just scoffed and breezed past him.

"At least you'll have fine company in hell, Clay Morrow."

Jax called after me, but I didn't stop. I saw that he had blood on him, but that shit didn't bother me. Not now, not when it was just made _very_ apparent that Clay had set his sights on me to exact some fucked up family-feud-style revenge on Jax.

Jax was still chasing me, but he wasn't fast enough to keep up with my car.

Where the hell was I going to go?

Clay was right, I didn't have an old man to protect me anymore.

Jax could only do so much, I was basically a nomad.

I was seen as family, but I didn't have _anyone_ with me to keep me straight anymore.

My hands slammed against the steering wheel and I turned into my driveway, I sucked in a harsh breath.

I pulled out my phone and called the only person I could think to call.

"Hap, it's me. Can you meet me at my place?"

(Jax)

Clay avoided all questioning as I stared him down.

"You messin' with Lola now, fuckin' with _your_ old lady wasn't enough?"

He chuckled, knocking his fist against the worn wood in front of him.

"I was just talkin' to the girl, Jax. She ain't yours."

That made me laugh, because of anyone, Clay knew how _untrue_ that statement was.

"Hear my words, old man. From now on, she's under my protection. I'm president, remember? What I say goes, and I say _stay the fuck away from Lola Winston."_

Clay's jaw clenched, but he nodded, and even though I knew that this wasn't over between us, I left him alone.

"And get the fuck out of my chair," I spat as I slammed the door closed behind me.

I caught Juice's gaze, and his eyes were wider than his attention span.

"What?"

"Nothin', man. Nothin'."

Ma stopped me before I got to my bike.

"Jackson, wait. What the hell is goin' on?"

I shook my head, pushing her hand away.

"Clay's fuckin' with Lola. I gotta go see her, check and see if she's okay."

She frowned, glancing behind me where Clay was making his way across the lot.

"Hap just left to go see her. Said she called him, asked for him to stay with her for a few days."

I swore, slamming my helmet onto my bike seat roughly.

"Why would she call him?"

"I don't know, baby. When's the last time you talked to her?"

I hung my head, shrugging.

"Four nights ago, when I told her I was in love with her."

Gemma swore and cupped my chin in her hand.

"Ya never did learn the art of subtlety, did you baby?," She murmured.

 _No._

 _I hadn't wanted to wait a second more to tell her._

 _She_ _ **needed**_ _to know._

"Ma, with all the shit goin' on with the club, I didn't want somethin' to happen without her knowing."

She nodded her head.

"I know. She loves you too, ya know. She just don't know what to do with it yet."  
 _Be mine._

 _Love me._

 _Never, ever, leave me._

"I think I need her, ma. I ain't ever felt this way before, and it scares the shit out of me."

She sighed, a tender smile enveloping her face as she leaned in to kiss my cheek.

"You've always needed her, Jackson. Only difference is, now she needs you too. Remember that when you go and see her," Gemma advised.

I swallowed my doubts and hopped on my bike, sending Clay a glare as he smiled at me.

"Be safe tonight. Don't get in any more trouble."

I accepted her kiss and tugged my helmet on over my hair. Gemma's eyes didn't leave me as I left the lot, but that didn't matter.

What mattered was Lola, and lately, it seemed like she was _all_ that mattered.

(Lola)

Happy had my feet in his lap, and it awed me a little- that a hardened killer could rub the arches of my feet so gently, as if he'd been doing it for years.

"Thanks for comin' over," I told him.

His dark eyes were clear and wide as he nodded his bald head.

"No problem. Although I am curious as to why you didn't call Jax," He commented wryly.

I nudged him with my foot and smiled.

"Jax is busy."

Happy snorted, and his expression told me he could see right through my lie.

"He told me he's in love with me, and I don't know what to do about it," I said.

I was playing with a string hanging from the blanket across my lap, my mind wandering to the look on Jax's face when he'd told me.

 _He had fucking tears in his eyes._

 _He was in pain._

 _I caused that._

"Babygirl?"

I jerked my attention back to Happy, sent him a smile, and nodded.

"Sorry, I guess I got lost there for a second."

He squeezed my ankle.

"Jax is one of the best men I know, Lola. If you're worried about gettin' hurt, then don't be. You know him better than anyone."

What Happy said was true, but now Clay was making things even more complicated.

"What about Clay? What if he uses me as a pawn to hurt Jax? I couldn't do that to him," I admitted fearfully.

Happy's expression turned feral and his hold on my ankle tightened almost to the point of pain.

"Don't fuckin' worry about Clay, Lola. None of us are gonna let that man lay a hand on you. Do you really think Jax would let that fucker touch you?," Happy hissed.

I jerked away from the venom in his voice and he instantly removed his hands from me and muttered an apology.

I skirted his hold and headed to the kitchen for my cigarettes.

"I'm sorry, Lo. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's fine."

"I ain't. I'm sorry," Happy said vehemently.

And he never apologized, so I knew he meant it.

I opened my mouth to respond when my front door opened and Jax came barging in, his face damp from the rain.

"I got it from here," He said coolly.

Happy nodded and headed for the door instantly.

"Wha-hey! I didn't ask you to come," I said, outraged at the way he took control without even _asking_ me if I wanted him here.

 _I do._

He ignored me, instead choosing to make sure the doors and windows were locked as he did a cursory glance around the house. I hadn't even lit my cigarette by the time he came back into the room, and when he looked me up and down stopped moving altogether, I looked down to see what he was looking at.

My loose white tank was see through and clung to me, and my shorts were tucked uncomfortably in the crack of my ass, baring two half moons to him.

"Why the hell are you dressed like that for _Happy?_ "

I rolled my eyes and lit my cigarette then, choosing to take a note from his book and ignore him.

His blue eyes didn't leave me though, instead he slipped his shoes off and slung his kutte over the back of a kitchen chair.

"Why'd you leave without talking to me?," He asked.

"Why have you ignored me for four days?"

His eyebrows shot up as he took a seat at the table.

"Well, when you tell a woman you love her and she doesn't immediately respond with 'I love you too,' it's kind of a blow to the ego."

I smashed my square out into the ashtray, intent on telling him exactly what I thought of that. I wanted to tell him that I understood, that I was confused, that all I needed was a little time. In fact, I opened my mouth to tell him _exactly_ that, but when I glanced at him out of the corner my eye I saw that his shirt was still sticky with blood and that the spot was only getting bigger as he sat in my dining room.

"Come on, I'll fix you up."

I took his hand into mine and led him upstairs, into my bedroom. As we crossed the threshold into my room and headed for the bathroom, I kicked the door open and stepped inside, turning on the light. Jax stepped inside hesitantly, his eyes straying towards the spot on the floor where he'd found me bleeding out.

Feeling like the sticky side of dirty wallpaper, I motioned for him to sit on the edge of the tub.

"Take your shirt off," I said over my shoulder.

He was so close to me I could feel the heat of him as I bent under the sink and pulled out my first aid kit.

The denim of his jeans brushed against the bare skin of my back as I dug through the kit, only turning to face him when I had everything I figured I would need.

He wasn't looking at me as he pulled his shirt up and over his head, and that was just fine; I was having a hard enough time not staring at his body as I scooted to kneel between his spread thighs.

He rested his hands on either side of me, and it was almost as if I was tucked into a Jackson Teller cocoon, and for the first time in forever, it felt _different._

I felt flustered, and those damn crows in my belly were back, but I just bit my lip and dabbed his cuts with antiseptic.

"What did Clay say to you?"

His words didn't surprise me, but the husky timbre of his voice did.

When I peeked up at him, his blue eyes were hazy.

"He told me to stay away from you, or I would get hurt. And then he slammed a gun on the table as if that was going to scare me," I said absently as I swiped a q-tip through a particularly deep cut. He hissed and caught my hand, stalling my movement.

"What did you say?"

"I told him not to fuck around, that he didn't scare me."

"You called Happy to stay with you," He said.

"Yeah, because I don't want to get in the middle of your club drama. I don't want you to have to choose between me or the club," I said softly.

He let go of my hand and I began to apply some butterfly bandages to his chest.

"Is that the truth?"

I nodded.

"Because I would understand if the real reason you're afraid is because you're afraid that if you choose me, I won't choose you back," He whispered.

I stopped moving altogether, sitting back on my haunches.

"What do you mean?"

He tilted his head to the side, like a bird, like a dog learning a new command.

"You feel like Opie didn't choose you. Are you afraid that if you asked me to, I wouldn't choose you back?," Jax asked me.

 _How does he know that?_

"I pay attention, Lo. May not seem like it. I ain't the best man, I ain't even the best _friend_ , but I pay attention to you."

I opened my mouth to tell him he was wrong, but he was oh so _right_. How could I argue? How could I tell him he was wrong?

It was true, I made no secret about the fact that I resented Opie's final choice, even if I did understand it. But how does one _accept_ what he did? How does one ever _recover_ from it? And let's be honest, Jax is literally the worst person to expect to choose me back- choose me back when it actually counts- because he's president of the fucking club.

"I would never ask you to choose."

He smiled sadly, nodding his blonde head.

The light from the shower wrapped around him and for a second I caught a glimpse of what I imagined he would like as an angel, and the image made me even more nervous.

"I know you wouldn't, Lola. You didn't ask Opie too, either. That ain't who you are, but do you know what?"

"What?"

My voice was as small as a church mouse, frightened and hollow.

"You don't have to ask me, Lo. I've chosen you for the last six years, you just never noticed."

I was speechless; yet again, I was speechless.

I slowly lowered my hands from his chest, my fingertips grazing his soft, warm skin.

When I dropped my trash into the bin behind me, I took my time turning around to face him.

"You can't make me any promises," I finally said.

He smelled good, _too good_ , like sweat and whatever cologne he favored.

I wanted to wrap myself in his arms like I was used to doing, I wanted to accept whatever olive branch he was offering me, but I didn't _need_ that right now.

There was a reason I didn't trust Jax to keep his promises, and that was because his job didn't allow for that.

Jax slid from the edge of the tub until his ass was flat on the floor and his knees were surrounding me.

I couldn't escape.

"Promises are all I _want_ to make you, Lola."

I closed my eyes, trying to push away the tears at his words, because they were sweet. Too sweet.

"Jackson, please-"

He gently grazed a finger along my jawline, tilting my chin until his nose was caressing my cheek.

"You're so beautiful," He whispered into my hair.

"I can't lose you," I finally admitted.

The air between us was thick and warm like fresh maple syrup.

"I'll never willingly leave you."  
I sucked in a breath, preparing myself to tell him _no,_ to tell him that this _could not happen,_ but he gently bit my bottom lip. Grazing his teeth along the tender skin of my bottom lip, he kissed the corner of my mouth. I sat frozen, my eyes still clenched closed tightly. I could feel him turning me slightly, settling me firmer in his arms.

His breath was hot against my cheek, and it smelled like nicotine and mint.

"Please- don't say things like that, just-"

His mouth covered mine, his soft lips kissing sipping on me like I was a fine wine. I kissed him back, I was helpless _not to_ , and the sound he made in the back of his throat was three parts desperate and one parts relieved.

His calloused palms ghosted over my shoulders and tugged on the hair at the nape of my neck and he tipped his head to deepen the kiss. A small gasp climbed the back of my throat and escaped from between my lips as he pulled my whole body closer to his.

My hands fell to his bare chest, traveled the smooth skin there, clasped themselves together at the base of his neck.

He growled low under his breath before he cupped my ass and lifted me to straddle his lap, a position I never thought I'd be in with _Jackson Teller_.

But he felt so good, and he tasted even better, and my head was spinning.

The hair of his beard scratched against my sensitive skin, but it only served to rev my engine harder as he trailed biting kisses down the column of my neck and across my collarbone.

"You're so perfect, darlin'," He whispered as he worked his mouth over mine possessively.

I couldn't answer even if I'd wanted to, because I was in awe of how _right_ it felt when we touched each other like this.

His hard cock was straining against the fly of his jeans and my panties were soaked, but he didn't seem to mind as he slid a hand between my thighs and felt along the seam of my panties.

"Shit, baby, you're so wet for me," He groaned.

I only nodded, leaning forward to catch his mouth with mine.

He was quick sand, he was molasses, he was _it._

And here in my little bathroom he slid my panties to the side and sank two fingers into my pussy, sighing my name as he tugged on the ends of my hair. He sucked on my neck roughly as I rode his hand, murmuring his name over and over like it was the only word I knew.

I was close, so close to completely breaking apart, that when he adjusted his fingers the slightest bit and hit my clit at the same time that he buried his fingers deeper inside of me I was a goner.

My head fell back and I cried out, shaking as the intensity of my orgasm flooded my system like an infectious disease.

Jax gently pumped his fingers in and out of me until all the aftershocks of my orgasm were over, and only then did he tip my head forward in an effort to catch my mouth again.

As the haze began to clear, I realized what we'd just done.

My eyes opened and he was watching me closely, tucking hair back behind my ear.

I was trying to catch my breath, and he took the opportunity to lean forward and kiss me gently, his tongue tasting me.

"Let's get you to bed," He whispered.

I didn't say a word.

I didn't need to.

Whatever was going on between Jax and I had just changed forever.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you so much for the support!

I don't own SONS but I wish I did!

The plot begins to thicken now :)

(Jax)

 _My mother is a liar._

 _Clay is going to die._

Having to make a deal with my mother to trap Clay in his own lies wasn't something I was proud of. But if she wanted to see Abel ever again, she had to play her part. All she has to do is find proof that Clay has been playing all of us, against each other no less, and we're square. Do I want to make my mother a pawn in the club's games?

 _No._

Yet I have to do what I have to do, and with all of the knowledge I'd gained in the past few weeks, it would seem that playing nice wasn't an option for me anymore.

"The deal with Pope and and Hale are in place," I said softly.

Everyone gathered around our favored reaper nodded solemnly, all except Tig who sat quietly. He spun the rings around on his fingers over and over.

"We have a pressing matter that needs discussing," I said shortly.

When I knew that everyone was paying attention, I cleared my throat and slid the picture of Mackey across the table.

"It's time to exact Opie's revenge. I wanna let Lola do it," I said.

Everyone stilled, no one moved for a solid thirty seconds.

"She ain't in the right mind to do that, Jax," Juice said.

Happy nodded in agreement.

I sat forward, eyeing every man around the table.

"Everyone at this table knows exactly how strong that woman is."

Again, they nodded in agreement.

"Normally I wouldn't mix old lady business with club business, but I think Lola deserves the choice to look the bastard who killed her old man in the eyes," I argued.

Chibs nodded.

"Aye, I agree."

"Me too," Tig said.

Rat shrugged, glancing at me.

"Why not?"

One by one, everyone began to agree, and suddenly the betrayal and the deceit I'd uncovered about those closest to me in the last few weeks seemed lesser.

I slammed the gavel.

"It's settled. I'll bring the idea up to Lola."

I found Lola in the office, speaking with what appeared to be a customer. She looked irritated, and when she spoke again I could hear it in her voice.

"What the hell do you mean you don't want an associate of _The Sons_ living in your house? I pay my rent, I've never had one complaint against me. My husband just died, you ass hole!," She yelled.

The man she was speaking to slid the piece of paper he was holding onto the desk and frowned.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Winston. The decision has been made. You have thirty days to vacate the premises."

She crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it at him.

"Fuck you. Get the hell out of my office."

He scurried past me, his eyes never leaving me, as he made his way to his car. Once he was gone I turned back to Lola who had her face buried in her hands.

"What's goin' on, darlin'?"

She shook her head and grabbed her purse.

"I'll be back," She said softly.

I tried to catch her, but she just pressed a hard kiss to my mouth and headed on to the lot. For a second I thought she would take her car, but she surprised the hell out of me when she tucked her purse inside a satchel on Opie's bike and kicked it to life.

It was weird as hell to see someone besides that behemoth riding his bike, but somehow it felt right.

She tucked her hair inside of his old helmet and slid her sunglasses onto her face as she seemed to suck in a breath before she peeled out of the office as fast as she could. I watched her until she was out of sight, until I was sure she was okay.

 _She kissed me, that was a good sign._

Sure, we kissed, in fact we fooled around a lot.

She hadn't asked me to label what we were, and obviously I wanted to more than anything, but I wasn't going to rush her. She needed to figure it out for herself.

With a glance at the office I found the piece of paper she'd so eloquently thrown at that ass hat in a suit and unwrinkled it, reading the bold print with a frown.

 _Eviction notice._

So now she was being evicted because of her association with the club.

 _This has Clay written all over it._

But how'd he pull those strings?

It didn't matter how he'd done it, what mattered is that he did it, and I needed proof.

Why would he want her out of her house?

Did he think that would scare her away, did he not realize I would figure something out?

Did he not know that I would _always_ choose her?

Just as I stuffed that yellow piece of paper into my pocket, the devil himself emerged from inside the garage, a smirk on his lips.

"Sounds like your lady's havin' some trouble. Hope she gets it sorted out," He said snidely.

Oh sure, he could goad me all day long.

But if I was going to beat the devil himself, I had to be smart about it.

If Clay Morrow was known for anything it was that he always followed through with a plan that was only half-baked.

(Lola)

"Lola, I'm telling you, I had nothing to do with this," Jacob Hale said earnestly.

I sat down in a chair across from him.

"You do realize if you're lying to me right now I'll have Jax pull the plug on your whole undercover-blackmail-operation, don't you?," I asked.

Jacob Hale's face paled considerably before he leaned forward over his desk and touched my hand gently.

"Lola, I really am sorry about what happened to Opie. He was a good man. I'm telling you the truth when I tell you that I had nothing to do with pushing this eviction notice. Besides, you're right- I know you're close with Jax. Why would I try to hurt you knowing that it would only bring me his wrath?," Jacob said reasonably.

 _Fuck, he's right!_

I sighed and sent him a half-smile across his desk.

"I'm sorry for barging in like this. Really, I am. I didn't mean to cause a scene," I said trying to fight back tears.

He watched me silently for a moment as I looked out the window to my right, trying to calm myself.

He handed me a tissue.

"I may do a lot of questionable things Lola, but I would never put a widow out on the street for my own personal enjoyment. My guess is, the person who did this, is a lot closer to you than you'd like to believe," He said gently.

And then it hit me.

 _Clay did this._

I looked up at Jacob, nodding my head as the realization hit home.

"You're right."

He noddd his head slowly before he pulled a piece of paper out of a Manila folder and held it out to me.

"What's this?," I asked as I took it into my hands.

"It's a list of all of my properties I have for rent right now. If you'd like to see one, call the front desk and let Nancy know. The price of rent should be listed next to each address. If you decide you want to rent one of the properties after you've seen it, I'll cut the cost of rent in half," Jacob said.

I fought back more tears as I looked up at him.

"Why would you do this for me?"

He smiled then, something he didn't do often in the presence of anyone related to the SONS.

"David really liked you. Don't think I don't remember all the time you two spent together, or all the times you helped him out. He would have wanted me to help you, and I have no problem doing it."

I closed my eyes at the mention of David Hale.

"I can't thank you enough."

He chuckled.

"Just keep Jax off of my ass, and we'll call it even. Take care of yourself, Lola."

I noddd as I sent him a wave and tucked the information he'd given me into my bag.

 _Why would Clay want me kicked out of my house?_

As I drove back to the lot I thought about any possible _logical_ reason he'd want me kicked out of my home, but none came to me.

All I could come up with was that he wanted to make it hard on me if I stuck around in hopes that it would drive me away.

 _To hurt Jax._

Instead it only made me more determined to stay.

With a heavy heart, I twisted and twerked my wrench underneath the hood of an old Cadillac. It was quiet, and apart from the radio playing behind me, there was no noise. It was Friday, and inside the clubhouse there was a party going on.

It was dark outside, the stars were gleaming overhead, but I focused all of my energy on this stubborn engine.

I'd avoided Jax all day, I'd avoided _anyone_ all day.

Speaking with Jacob Hale yesterday had only confirmed my belief that Clay was after me now, and although he didn't have good standing with nearly anyone in the club, it could cause major problems with Jax.

I wasn't Tara- I wasn't going to try and press Jackson Teller into a box he would never fit in. If this is the life he wanted, who the hell was I to tell him it was _wrong?_

So how was I supposed to proceed with him, if the end result wasn't a good one?

I scoffed and dropped the wrench on the ground, turning to face the wall behind me. With a shake of my head, I stuck my last cigarette into my mouth, pulling it back from behind my ear.

My hands were shaking slightly, reminding me of the fact that I hadn't eaten in awhile.

My head was spinning, but I took a sip of the beer I had resting next to me anyways.

"What're ya doin' out here all alone, lass?"

I turned with a small smile for Chibs.

"Just workin'," I said.

He nodded his head, glancing at the clubhouse.

"Ye avoidin' Jackie boy too?"

I shrugged.

"I don't want to complicate his life, Chibs."

He chuckled, leaning forward to kiss my temple lightly.

"Ye've been thick as thieves for weeks now, do ye think it's wise to pull away now? With no explanation?"

He was right of course, Chibs usually was. Yet the ever present reminder of how badly things _could_ end between us, of how quickly I could end up back at square one, was still nagging me.

I turned to speak to Chibs.

"Do you honestly believe that Jax and I can continue down this road with no repercussions?," I asked.

While I sipped my beer he seemed to think about my question before he answered.

"What I think is that ye need to decide for yerself is those repercussions are worth it. Ain't fair to string a fine man along, especially one who's been as dedicated to ya as Jackie has been," Chibs told me fairly.

I nodded, soaking it in, wondering _when_ my heart would finally allow me to trust him.

When would my mind and my heart stop warring with one another?

When could I finally be _happy?_

"I'm going to see if I can find that 'dedicated' man."

Chibs only grinned, patted me on the ass, and sent me on my way.

"And lass?"

I glanced over my shoulder to look at him.

"Be easy on him, will ye? He's got a lot on his plate."

With a nod I trudged forward, sliding easily through the back doors of the clubhouse, smiling at the sight before me.

Juice and Happy were arguing playfully around the pool table. Chucky was serving drinks like a pro behind the bar. Rat and a few other club members, including Tig, were sitting in a corner playing cards and rolling what looked to be a fresh joint.

And then there were the crow eaters, many of whom smiled at me as they passed. I waved accordingly, nodding my head at a few who I recognized as old friends.

I glanced down at my bare feet and knee-length dress, wondering what would happen if _I_ came to the clubhouse half naked.

 _Jax would kill me, probably._

He never had liked to share me, and over the last couple of weeks that jealous streak in him had reared its ugly head more than once.

But it was the exact opposite of Opie, and I realized that I liked it.

As I was heading towards the bar in hopes of securing myself a drink, I felt two rough hands tug me into the church room and slam the doors behind us.

I fought against their hold hard, only stopping when I felt them release me.

It was completely dark, and the man made no sound besides telling me to stay still.

"I ain't gonna hurt you. I'm visiting tonight from the Tacoma charter, but I came here to warn you," the man said behind me.

He was so close I could feel his kutte brushing against my skin, and even though I wanted to turn around and face him, I knew that the darkness shielded his identity from me completely.

"Clay Morrow is after you, Lola. He wants to hurt you to weaken Jax so that he can have his club back. I liked Opie, he saved my ass a time or two. I don't want to see anything bad happen to you."

I opened my mouth to reply, but he was too quick.

"Don't ask me questions. I can't tell you. After tonight you'll never hear from me or see me again, but I needed to tell you. If Clay finds out that you're catching on to him, he'll jump the gun on whatever plans he's making. I suggest you and Jax beat him at his own game," the mystery man said.

I cleared my throat, taking in a deep breath as I tried to process what he was saying.

"You don't know what his plans are?"

The leather of his kutte gave me goosebumps as he shook his head.

"I'm sorry, but no. I don't. But I think you and Jax should be prepared for anything. I have to go before anyone else sees me here, especially Clay. Take care, Lola."

I moved to grab him, but as he opened the doors behind us the light blinded me momentarily and by the time my eyes had adjusted to the brightness he, whoever he was, was long gone.

As the haze cleared from my eyes, Jax came into my line of sight. He was holding a beer in one hand, and he had his arm thrown over Juice's shoulder. He looked happy.

 _He looks so fucking happy._

How could I tell him what was going on?

Chibs was right, he had so much on his plate right now. He had enough to deal with when it came to running the club. He had too much to balance right now.

The overwhelming sadness that filled my chest at the idea of losing him in _any_ way was suddenly there inside of me, filling in all the empty spaces that Opie left behind.

Losing Opie had been the hardest thing I've ever done, and I almost didn't make it.

If I lost Jax next, I most certainly wouldn't 'almost' make it- I just _wouldn't._

The inky blackness around me inside of this tiny room was suddenly almost tangible; it was thick and sticky like the air right before a rainstorm.

So much had happened in the last few months that my head was still spinning, but throughout all the change, through every first and last decision that changed every aspect of my life...Jax had been there.

Even though it seemed like I was fickle and sometimes selfish, he was always there reassuring me. Telling me he understood, and at times, he would still whisper he loved me.

He would hold me in his arms like there was no place in the world he would rather be than right there next to me, and he would kiss me.

 _He's in love with me._

 _He's in love with me in a way Opie never was._

 _Completely, truly._

I tried to imagine my life if I just _let Jackson in_. It would be hard, it would hurt, but like Chibs told me. I needed to think about whether or not it would be worth it.

Would it?

 _Keep him, love him._

I took a deep shuddering breath, acknowledging that voice in the back of my head that told me to just go to him.

For a brief moment, his smile fell, and I watched as he slowly eased out of Juice's drunken hold. I watched as he tucked his beer against his chest, and glanced around. He couldn't see me from where I stood, but I could see him clearly. I could see him put a smoke into his mouth, I could see him as he walked out the back doors.

Anyone else would presume he was just taking a smoke break, but I knew him.

I knew that he was upset.

So I followed, my bare feet making no noise as I got closer to him.

He was sitting on a swing, kicking the dirt as he swayed slowly.

He still couldn't see me as I eased out of the back door and I wasn't quite sure if I was ready for him to. Jackson needed a queen- someone like Gemma who was willing to get her hands dirty for anyone. It's not that I wasn't willing-I had done my fair share of skateboard bashing- the only thing holding me back was what Jackson had said weeks earlier.

" _You feel like Opie didn't choose you. Are you afraid that if you asked me to, I wouldn't choose you back?"_

I was still afraid of that. I was still unsure of whether or not Jackson was a safe bet and now that Clay was working his way into the mix...I was lost.

I had no idea what to do.

I watched as he slowly stood and turned to watch the stars I'd been watching only an hour earlier.

His spine was stiff and his shoulders were tense. His blonde hair was slicked back, and if I had to guess, he was as lonely and lost as me. The smoke from his cigarette billowed into the air around him, creating an ethereal halo that was dimmer than most, but there nonetheless.

I decided to let my presence be known as I stepped into the moonlight and made my way near the swingset.

Jackson didn't turn around, in fact he didn't move an inch.

Instead he continued to smoke until I was about a foot away from him.

"I can always tell when you're around by the way you smell. Did you know that? You always smell like rain and jasmine," He murmured softly.

I didn't move again after that.

"I've tried really hard these last couple of months to make you feel wanted. To make you feel loved, or cherished. To make you feel like you ain't alone out here, because I know how hard this life is. But I feel like bein' with me ain't what you want," Jax said softly as he glanced at me over his shoulder.

His blue eyes were alight with an intensity I hadn't been expecting, but then, could I really blame him?

I hadn't made it easy to love me.

I dropped my hands to my side and tried to find the words to say. I always had the hardest time communicating and now was no different.

So I reached forward in an effort to touch him, to connect with him any way I knew how.

He didn't push me away, and I could feel the heat of his smooth skin through the material of his t-shirt.

"If you spend your nights with me just because ya know I'll protect you, then you don't have to do that. I promised Opie, and I wouldn't let him down," Jax said after a moment of silence.

I ripped my hand away from him, feeling like he may as well have slapped me.

"What?"

 _He doesn't know, Lola. He doesn't know you love him._

He turned then, his blue eyes raking over me like they were always meant to do so.

"Ya heard me, Lola. I can't do this anymore if you're not all in."

His words made sense, and I understood them, but they still hurt me.

Instead of crying like I wanted to, instead of yelling at him or pushing him away, I just nodded my head.

"You're right."

His eyes widened before he cleared his throat.

"What're you sayin'?"

"I'm tellin' you that you're right. I've had one foot out the door since we started whatever this is," I said gesturing to the space between us.

He dropped his gaze to the pavement and I shook my head.

"What you said before, about why I was scared, you were _right._ I guess with everythin' goin' on with the club and with Clay, I guess I just figured it would be easier if I didn't _let_ you choose. I guess I thought it would be easier if I kept myself at a distance so you wouldn't have to let me down," I admitted.

His hands were buried in his pockets, and for a second, I thought he was going to ignore but then he looked up at me and I could tell by the bleariness in his eyes that he'd been drinking.

"Would we be havin' this conversation right now if Clay hadn't threatened you?," he asked me.

"I don't think so. But that's why I came to talk to you now. So you would know that I am not going to make you choose."

He began to laugh, something that surprised me, offended me even. I expected to hear the words I'd heard in the past.

 _It's the club, Lola. It'll always be the club._

 _Get on board or get out._

Opie had always made it clear where our relationship stood with the club and I suppose that's why it made me so upset when he died the way he did.

He'd never been as loyal to me as he was to this fucking club, but I couldn't seem to get out.

"You don't get it, do you?"

I opened my mouth to ask _what_ , but he began to tell me.

His expression bordered on haggard or pained or completely desperate as he tugged on the ends of my hair.

"I _chose_ you six years ago. I've stuck around because I still _choose_ you. Given the opportunity I would _choose_ to give you my crow. I would _choose_ to give you babies, diamonds, a house, whatever the fuck you want! Lola, all I want, is for _you_ to choose _me."_

Well, that certainly wasn't what I'd expected for him to say.

It wasn't what I'd expected for him to say at all, and yet, it changed everything.

I had expected him to balk at my honesty, cut his losses, and call it a day.

"Opie loved you, yeah. He did. But I know how much it hurt you when he pulled out of that driveway and put the club first. I know how fuckin' bad it made you ache inside when you realized that you would never be put first. I ain't sayin' I'm a better man, because this whole club is my life, Lola. It's in my blood. But you? You're everythin' else. You're _everything else_ ," He told me raggedly.

His voice was raspy, filled with promises and fealty.

I felt my eyes welling with tears, spilling over all the pain I had buried inside of me. Everything I'd never told opie, but how did Jax know?

"How did you know all of that?," I whispered.

He pressed his forehead to mine.

"Opie used to tell me that it tore him up inside, Lo. He knew it wasn't fair to ya, but I also paid attention. You're good at hidin' how you really feel, but I can tell. I told you, I pay attention to you."

His hands cupped my cheeks and I pressed my mouth to his eagerly.

He sighed in relief, a content happy sound.

"I came over here to tell you that I love you," I said against his mouth.

He stilled completely.

"What?"

"I came over here to tell you that I was sorry for shuttin' you out and that I know you're here for me. That I haven't been fair to you and that if you want...me, I want you too. _For real,"_ I said gently as I ran my thumb across his bottom lip.

The smile that overtook his whole face was nothing short of beautiful and I committed the scene to memory.

"You want me to?"

I nodded.

"I just want you to know everythin' that's been happenin' with Clay. I don't want to keep you in the dark," I whispered.

He nudged my chin up and kissed me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling my body tightly against his.

When there was no more space between us, he pulled away and pressed a kiss to my jawline.

"I already know and I'm workin' on a plan. Don't worry about him, baby. He knows you're under my protection."

His beard was rough under my hand as I ran my fingertips across his cheek, but he just closed his eyes and leaned into my touch. Before I could tell him however, he stopped me.

"If you do this, if you're in this with me, there's a full disclosure policy. I know Opie didn't tell you everything, Lola. But you and I can't afford not to be on the same page, especially not now."

His tone was so serious, so determined, that all I could do was nod.

"Jax-"

"No. If we do this, we do it all the way. I know it hasn't been long since Ope passed, but if we do this...I need to know I have you all the way, Lola. I want you to take my crow, I want you to move in to my place...I want full disclosure."

It was a lot to ask of me, but how could I deny him?

"Can we do one thing at a time?," I asked.

His smile was back, and it was infectious.

"Move in with me," He said softly.

I kissed his mouth again, enjoying the tangy taste of beer on his lips.

"Yes."

"We can do this, Lo. I know we can. I've been waiting six years for this."

And I finally understood that even though my feelings for Jax were somewhat new and overwhelming, his feelings for me were etched in stone. They were long lasting and real.

"I do, ya know."

He quirked an eyebrow and I slid my hand beneath his shirt, tugging on his belt loops.

"Love you."

"Ya wanna show me?"


	7. Chapter 7

PART TWO

 _Clay Morrow sat with a cigar in his hand, staring down at photos of Lola that he had procured via two prospects out of Tacoma. In the myriad of black and white photos she was moving boxes into Jackson Teller's house, smiling and laughing as Jackson carried her over the threshold._

 _Clay wondered if Jax would ever truly feel happy again._

 _If he would miss Lola when she was gone, the way he sometimes missed Gemma._

 _Clay Morrow wondered if out of all of the bad calls, bad decisions, worse decisions-this would be the hardest._

 _To take away the one thing that was keeping Jackson grounded. To take away his safe haven, the one person he would give away everything for._

 _Yes._

 _The answer to that question was yes, but as he looked at the two nameless lackey's he'd hired in on a favor, he smiled sadistically._

 _Why not return the favor?_

 _Jax had arrogantly taken everything from him, so why not return the favor?_

" _What do you want us to do, boss? We break in, it'll look like all the other robberies going on. Jax won't suspect a thing," Anderson said._

 _At least, that's what Clay thought his name was._

 _With a puff of his cigar, he slid the photos towards him and nodded his grey head._

" _Jax is on a run. He won't get here in time. Tonight works best. I'll run by her house first, send you a text when it's good to go."_

 _Both young men, one blonde and one brunette, nodded their naive heads. As Clay thought about the look on young Jackson's face when he realized his new old lady was dead, his smile widened._

" _She'll never see it comin', boys."_

(Lola)

I was putting away the new dishes Jax bought me. They were pretty; white and teal with little flowers adorning their porcelain faces. I smiled to myself at the thought. Looking around _our_ house was new. I'd called Jacob Hale to thank him for his offer anyways, explaining that Jackson and I were moving in together.

With a chuckle he'd told me to be careful and have fun.

So far, I was having fun.

Jax was gone on a run for the night, but I expected him back tomorrow. So for now, I was trying to get the rest of the house unpacked so that the romantic dinner I had planned could take place in our quaint little kitchen that Jax made sure to paint for me this last weekend.

We'd stayed up for hours, kissing and painting and whispering sweet nothings to each other as the sun came up.

I smiled again at the memory, turning to put away a clean stack of dishes behind me.

I saw a flicker of movement outside the glass doors behind me and turned to get a better look.

It was quiet outside, and I had the outside lights on.

Our neighborhood was safe, Jackson had reassured me of that fact.

In light of all of the break-ins lately, I was nervous, but he'd told me it was okay.

After staring into the darkness for a few minutes and not seeing anything, I turned back into the kitchen and was just about to reach for another stack of dishes when the glass door behind me shattered completely.

I screamed loudly, falling to the floor now covered in glass. My palms scraped across the tiles as I tried to stand, sending small drops of blood across the white linoleum. I saw two men wearing all black and wearing ski masks coming towards me. Both were tall and lanky, both were watching me.

"Who are you?!," I cried out, taking a step back. My hand fell onto the silverware that was next on my list to put away, and I wrapped my hands around the handle of a knife. I huffed as I held it out in front of me, shaking as I tried to wrap my head around what the fuck was happening.

One of the men laughed, shaking his head.

"This is gonna be fun," He said.

As I focused on the man laughing, the second man smacked the knife out of my hand and sent me sailing to the floor as he backhanded me.

"Make it last man, this is supposed to send a message," The laughing man said.

He climbed over me and lifted my from the floor by my hair, snarling into my face as he looked me over.

"You're a sexy little thing. Does Jax tell you that when he fucks your brains out?"

I spit into his face, painting his mask red with my blood.

"Why don't you grow some balls and ask him yourself instead of goin' after his old lady like the _pussy_ you are?," I spat.

He only shrugged, lifting me by my hair and tossing me over the coffee table.

The wood splintered beneath me as I slammed into the ground, choking on the lack of air in my lungs as both men came forward to kick me while I was down.

My ears were ringing from a solid blow to the side of my head, and my hands were aching from trying to protect my face.

I was yanked to my feet by both men, and the taller one motioned towards me.

"Take her clothes off, man. I wanna fuck this bitch before we kill her," He growled.

The man holding me shook his head, but I was having a hard time paying attention. My gaze was fixated on the man unbuttoning his jeans.

 _No, no, no._

"No, that wasn't the plan. We don't know if anyone heard her scream! In and out man, remember?"

The other man watching me with a rabid look in his eyes smirked.

"In and out, that _is_ the plan."

I squirmed, screaming for help, but he backhanded me again as he took the knife from earlier off of the floor and cut down the front of my shirt. My black bra came into view and he dragged me away from the man holding me and shoved me onto the ground. I turned over, trying to crawl away, kicking with all the energy I had left, screaming for help. The other man, the one watching, urged the man currently trying to rape me to stop.

But he didn't want to.

"I just want a taste of this bitch, man."

He flipped me back over and put his knee into my chest.

"Stop moving!"

I didn't, I pushed against him harder, and even though he rained down hits until I was _sure_ he broke my face, I didn't stop fighting.

 _Jax is going to find me here dead._

 _They're going to rape and kill me._

 _They're going to kill me._

I caught sight of the knife on the floor next to his feet and struggled to reach it as he wrapped his hands around my throat.

His hold was firm, strong, he was going to strangle me.

The other man was screaming at him, saying something I couldn't make out because of the sound of my heart pounding in my ears.

He was gesturing wildly, trying to tug him off of me, but the look in his eyes was murderous. Blood thirsty.

I wished more than anything that I would be able to tell Jax I love him, one more time.

I was still trying to reach for the knife, but black spots were clouding my vision.

"Dude, come on! I hear bikes in the driveway!"

And then my hand closed around the handle of the knife, and I jabbed it directly into his neck.

Blood sprayed all over me as his grip instantly loosened and he stumbled backwards, grabbing at the frayed skin as blood seeped from between his fingers.

I sucked in a breath, my eyes meeting those of my other attacker, and his mouth hung open wide. I too heard bikes in the driveway, boots on the pavement, so I screamed as loudly as I could. It came out garbled and rough, but the man bleeding out on the floor was motionless and the man watching me struggle to breathe was frozen in place.

The front door slammed open and when I saw Happy come inside with his gun raised, I sighed with relief and fell back onto the floor.

I couldn't keep my eyes open, but I could hear Jax out of one ear.

"Lola, baby?"

I kissed his palm gently when he lifted my head into his lap.

"I tried...to fight...them...off," I choked out.

He glanced at the dead man on the floor next to him.

"You did great, baby. You did great."

(Jax)

So.

Much.

 _Blood._

When I first stepped into the house, all I cared about was the fact that Lola was screaming. Now that she was safe and asleep as St. Thomas, Happy and I were assessing the damage to the house before we headed back to his place to take care of Lola's other attacker.

Juice and Tig had taken care of the dead body from the living room and I had Rat and a couple of prospects cleaning the house.

"Looks like they broke in through the sliding glass doors. Kicked through the glass. From the pattern of the blood spatter I'd say she was in here when they broke in," Happy said as he kneeled to swipe his finger along a dried spot of blood. I looked at the broken glass on the floor, the blood he was touching.

 _Lola's blood._

He looked up at me and I nodded my head, turning to look at the destroyed living room. The coffee table was splintered, and pieces of it lay all over the room. One of the stand up lamps Lola had picked out herself was broken and bent at an odd angle, casting an eerie orange light across the room.

"They chased her in here, I think this is where they beat the hell out of her," Happy said pointing to the remnants of the coffee table.

Scattered pieces here and there were covered in blood, presumably Lola's.

"Why here? I don't believe this was an accident, man. They knew they were breakin' into _my_ house. They had to."

Happy shrugged and glanced at the deep crimson stain in the carpet.

"She got one of 'em, man. She's gonna be okay."

I hung my head because I knew that nothing short of hearing her tell me what happened was going to make me feel better.

"Nothing's missing. That's what bothers me."

Happy nodded his bald head.

"Let's go get some info, man. Chibs is waitin' for us."

I looked at Happy, knew that he was going to do _whatever_ he thought was necessary to get information, and smiled.

"Let's go."

Happy's house was nice and quiet when we arrived. It was dark, secluded, just like Happy. His house was a little ways out of town and on two acres of land; which meant it was private.

As we stepped into the house we could hear Chibs laughing, and when I rounded the corner first I saw Tig smirking.

"He's cryin' already man. He's ready to tell you everything!"

Tig chuckled and as I stepped into the room to face one of the men that tried to kill my old lady. He was shaking, tied to a chair with thick rope. His black clothing was ripped in some places, bloody in others. He had obviously pissed himself at some point, if the puddle beneath his chair was any indication.

I kneeled down in front of him, tilting his chin up with the barrel of my gun.

"You tried to kill my old lady."

He shook his head vehemently.

"No-no! That was Anderson! I thought we were just gonna rough her up a little, send a message!," He cried out.

His eyes were blue and they were trained on the barrel of my gun.

"Who hired you?"

He shrugged and I slammed the barrel of the gun into his chin.

"Who _hired_ you?!," I demanded.

He was shuffling, his lips quivering so badly he could barely get his answer out.

"I never got his name. He hired us out of Tacoma, said he called in a favor to get us down here. We only met him twice!"

I hung my head, understanding instantly what had happened.

"Tell me your name, kid."

"Jul-Julian," he stuttered.

"Julian, I'm going to ask you some questions. If you don't answer honestly, Happy here is going to shoot you. Last shot goes in the brain. Do you understand me?," I asked calmly.

"Wh-what?"

Happy fired off a warning round above Julian's head and he cried out in fear.

"Okay, okay, okay," he murmured over and over again.

"The man that hired you- did he tell you why he wanted you to hurt Lola?"

"He wanted us to kill her, but Anderson and I decided before we got there that we couldn't do it. He never said why, he just made us follow her until we knew that you would be out of town," Julian admitted shakily.

I glanced at Happy and Tig and they nodded.

"Thank you for bein' honest with me. Next question. Was the man that hired you with any other club members? Anyone that can identify him?," I asked.

He seemed to think about it as he shook his head no.

"We always met at his apartment after dark. He was always alone."

I nodded again.

 _No witnesses, no proof._

"Was there anything about him that stuck out? Anything you could use to identify him?"

He started to shake his head before he suddenly stopped and nodded.

"Yeah! He had an oxygen tank. Anderson and I thought that was fuckin' weird."

Everyone in the room looked at each other at the same time.

"Did he tell you he belonged to SAMCRO?"

Julian shook his head.

"That was also weird. He said he called in a favor for two prospects, but he never said what charter he was in."

I looked to Happy before I stood.

"Julian, you've done a real good job here. Thank you for answering my question and for bein' honest with me. But we're going to keep you here until I see what my old lady thinks," I said smoothly as I tucked my gun back into my pocket.

He hung his head and cried.

"I'm sorry. Tell her I'm sorry," he muttered.

I patted his shoulder.

"You'll get the chance to tell her. Don't you worry."

Happy nodded his head as I motioned towards the driveway.

"I'm heading back to town. I gotta get a bag ready for Lola. Call Tacoma, talk to Lee. See if these two goons are his, and see who called in a favor to get them."

Tig pulled out his phone.

"Jax, we know it was Clay. He's the only bastard crazy enough to orchestrate this. Also, he's the only fucker we know with connections to Tacoma and who wears an oxygen tank."

I smiled.

"I know. And now we're finally gonna have the proof we need to take his ass down once and for all."

When I got to , Gemma was waiting for me in Lola's room. She had a magazine in her hands, and her glasses were perched on her nose. As I closed the door behind me and set Lola's duffle bag on the ground, she rose and stretched her arms over her head.

"You handle business, baby?"

I nodded.

"Got things handled for now. I want to speak with Lola before we move things any further," I said as I ran a hand through my hair.

She nodded, tucking her glasses into her purse as she slung it over her shoulder.

"Alright, well I'll let you two be. Page the nurse,

have her update you on her condition. They just gave her a fresh round of pain killers so Lola should be out for a while," Gemma told me as she kissed my cheek.

I let her hug me as I glanced over st Lola's small frame as she slept in her bed.

"You can see Abel, Ma. But if you drive high with my kid in the car again, you'll never see him again."

She froze at that, shaking her head.

"What about...getting dirt on clay?"

"Don't worry about it. Just call Wendy and let her know Abel may need to stay another night. Tell her what happened to Lola."

Gemma nodded and looked between Lola and me.

She reached into her purse and pulled out a black velvet box.

"Here. I've been thinkin' about giving this to you, and I think it's the right time."

I opened the box to reveal her wedding ring, and the yellow diamonds sparkles back at me in the dim lighting coming from the bedside lamp Gemma had been using moments before.

"Ma-"

"No. Don't argue, baby. Just keep it. I don't need it anymore, and I can see by the way you look at her that it's on your mind. Don't let it slip by a second time, Jax. She needs your support now more than ever before."

Gemma smiled tenderly as she dropped a kiss to Lola's forehead before she left us alone in the room together.

I sat down in the chair Gemma had vacated and scooted closer to Lola.

She looked like hell.

Her face was so swollen she didn't even look like herself. Her arms were stiff by her side, and I could see more than one of her fingernails was broken. Some of her knuckles were purple.

The skin by the sides of her mouth was torn and her lip was split in two places.

Earlier when they slipped her into a gown I could see that the rest of her was going to be one big bruise too, but I didn't want to wake her up to let her know I was here.

I just wanted to watch her, hold her hand, and appreciate the fact that she was alive and she was mine.


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry I'm a little late!

(Lola)

The first person I saw when I woke up was Happy. He was sitting with his feet crossed at the ankles and he had a wire-framed pair of glasses on the tip of his nose as he flipped through a Playboy magazine.

"You look damn sexy with those glasses," I said huskily.

He looked up at me immediately, a smile forming on his mouth.

"I'd tell ya you look sexy too, but you look like a bruised peach."

I barked out a gruff laugh, trying to sit up.

Happy moved my hands out of the way as he pressed a button on the side of my bed and it began to lift me upright.

"Jax went to grab some coffee. He ain't slept yet."

I winced at the mention of Jax, and in bits and pieces, the memories from last night began to fill my head.

"How's he doin'?"

Happy shrugged.

"He ain't doin' too good, baby. It wasn't a pretty scene when we got home last night," He admitted.

I pressed my fingers to my mouth gently, feeling the cracked skin there.

I hurt all over. There wasn't an inch of me that wasn't sore, but I tried to push past that when Jax came into the room.

His eyes were red and bloodshot, his hair was a mess. His clothes were covered in blood, presumably from last night. He had two cups of coffee in his hands and handed one to Happy.

"I'll go back to my place, check on our houseguest."

Jax nodded at Happy and pulled a chair up to the side of my bed. Once the door closed behind Happy and Jax was situated in the chair, he put the coffee down on the bedside table and buried his face in the blankets near my right hand.

His shoulders were shaking, and that made my eyes fill with tears because the reality of the situation was...I'd almost _died._

When Jax raised his head, his blue eyes were wet and dripping and he opened his mouth to speak but not words came out. I hurried to take his hand in mine and kiss his fingers as he struggled to find the words to say.

The silence between us stretched on as he kissed my palm and held my bruised knuckles against his cheek.

"I almost lost you."

Just four words; strung together in any other sentence, they probably wouldn't have had such an impact. However, put together in that order, with that _tone-_ it was raw.

Real.

I'd almost died.

"They said they wanted to send you a message. I tried my damndest to fight them off, I swear-"

Jax shushed me by pressing his mouth to mine and kissing me through the thin trail of salty tears that clung to his beard.

"Stop it. This is all my fault. I knew the tensions were high with Clay, I shoulda left someone there with you," He said as he smoothed hair back away from my face.

"You couldn't have known this would happen either, baby. The doc said it ain't that bad. Coulda been worse," I whispered.

He took both of my hands into his and shook his head.

"This was all Clay. He did this. We've got the other guy strung up in Happy's basement. He's singin' like a bird right now, but I wanted to ask you a couple of questions before I head back over there," Jax said softly.

"Did he hurt you?"

I nodded my head.

"He hit you?"

Again, I nodded.

His lower lip trembled as he sucked in a harsh breath before blowing it out.

"He try to rape you, too?"

 _Did he try to rape me too?_

I was surprised at the fact that Jax knew that. I didn't want him to know how close my attackers had come, I didn't want him to know _any of that._

"No. The one I...stabbed. He tried."

 _Oh my God._

 _I'd killed someone._

I tried to muster up any remorse, but I couldn't, Not when he'd been trying to kill _me._

He nodded his blonde head.

"Can you ever forgive me?," He whispered.

He glanced up at me before leaning forward to kiss my hands again.

I pulled away from him only to run my fingers through his hair.

"I don't even blame you, Jackson. Did we get the proof we needed to bring down Clay?," I asked.

He sighed.

"Making calls, baby. We've got a lot of heat on us and it has to be the right time. You may have to play stupid for a while, but I promise you- I _promise_ I'll never let anything hurt you again," He said fiercely.

I choked on a sob and shook my head, pulling his face into the crook of my neck.

"I don't blame you. It's okay. We're going to be okay. I love you," I said softly.

"I need to utilize our full disclosure agreement, Lola. That kid is sitting in Happy's basement waiting for me to kill him. I need to know what kind of retribution you want from me," He said.

My gaze jerked to his and I frowned.

"Let me talk to him."

Jax tried to shake his head, but I stopped him.

"No. I need to face him."

He sighed heavily, hanging his head.

"You're so damn stubborn," He said with a light chuckle.

"You love it. You've always loved it," I said.

His blue eyes were trained on me as he nodded his head slowly.

"Yeah, Lola. I have."

His calloused hands caressed my bruised face gently before he eased back and nodded towards the door.

"I'm gonna grab a nurse and get you signed out. You okay to do this tonight? I don't want to push-"

"Don't baby me, Jackson Teller. I ain't much for bein' owned," I snapped.

I tossed the blankets aside, eased myself off of the bed and turned to face him. He had a strange look on his face, so I shrugged.

"Why are ya starin' at me?"

His jaw ticked.

"I don't _own_ you, Lola Winston, but I do _know_ you. You can handle just about anythin', and I fuckin' love that about you. But if you snap at me like that again, I'm gonna bend you over my knee and spank that perfect ass of yours until it's red and hot. Do you understand me?"

Not only did his words make my pussy clench, but they were so out of character for him, that I couldn't help the sultry smile that I responded with.

"Don't make promises you don't intend to keep, cowboy."

Jax swore under his breath before he took two stomps towards me and yanked my sore body into his. He didn't pause before he pressed his mouth against mine, his tongue separating my lips. As he tasted me, as he sipped me, I couldn't help but gasp with pleasure.

Our connection was red hot, _sweltering_ , and it threatened to melt me. I wanted all of him, right then, no questions asked.

His hands slipped beneath my hospital gown to knead my ass and I raked my nails across his scalp, overwhelmed by how sexy he was.

Years spanned between us, but my body took no time at all to catch up to his; Jackon may have loved me for years, but I was falling for him in a matter of seconds.

I _ached_ for him in a way I couldn't fathom, and he didn't seem to miss a beat as he eased me back onto the bed, spreading my thighs wide with his free hand. I reached for the button on his jeans, but he stopped me.

"No, baby. This is for you. I can't stand the thought of another man touchin' you," He whispered huskily as he ran a knuckle across my clit.

I hissed between my teeth, sucking on his tongue as he spread me wide and buried to fingers inside of my throbbing pussy.

"More, please," I begged.

Like a wanton slut, I craved him.

I craved the man that loved me endlessly like no other man, the best friend I'd depended on for years. I _needed_ him to erase the image of that bastard from last night out of my head.

His teeth grazed my neck, directly over the bruises that marred my flawless skin.

"I won't ever let you go, do you fuckin' hear me?," He whispered.

I just nodded, lost in the sensation of his fingers pumping in and out of me, dragging me towards an orgasm that threatened to be explosive.

"Tell me you're mine, Lola," He demanded.

When I didn't immediately answer, he stopped moving his hand altogether, tipping my head back so he could look at me. I nodded fervently.

"Yours, I'm _yours,"_ I said hastily.

His hand bucked into me, sending me into oblivion, making me cum harder than I ever had in my life.

I was panting his name, accepting his kiss, gripping his shirt like it was my lifeline to the present.

When my eyes opened, he was looking down at me lovingly.

"When we're home, we're gonna finish this, Lo. I'm gonna love you so long and hard, it'll erase every other man from your memory."

His words were tense and intense and I _believed him._

"You already have," I replied.

(Jax)

Lola had her hands pressed tightly against her side as she entered Happy's house. Never in my life had I imagined bringing in an old lady for club business; that shit was taboo. Yet Lola had always been one of the guys, and this was _her_ decision.

Sometimes delegating made sense; Lola would never ask me to shoulder the dirty sins of her own conscience.

"Hey, sweetheart," Happy said lowly as she stepped towards the basement door.

She looked up at him and nodded.

I wanted to ask her if she needed anything, but the determined look on her face was something to behold. She held her hand out to me, nodding her head towards the gun in my waistband.

With a smirk on my mouth I handed it to her.

I watched in amazement, and a little amusement, as she slid the chamber back and clicked it into place.

"I'll be right back," She said softly.

Happy looked at me for a second like I was insane to let her go down there alone, but I knew Lola Winston. She wasn't one to take life or death lightly.

She knew what the hell she was doing, and if her big heart was an indication of her final decision, then I knew she wouldn't kill the kid downstairs.

Truth be told, I didn't want to kill him myself, but if Lola demanded it, then I would deliver.

"She got this, boss?"

I glanced at Happy and lifted an eyebrow.

"You really gotta ask?"

His face transformed completely when a smile I hadn't seen in awhile landed on his mouth.

"Guess not."

With a nod I skirted around him and opened the door, listening closely from the top of the stairs.

I could barely hear low murmuring, the steady tone of Lola's voice as she spoke- I could hear the sniffling of Julian as he listened.

(Lola)

Julian was just a kid.

Twenty, he told me. His wallet housed one drivers license and a punch card for a Dairy Queen-two details that were so telling it made my lower lip tremble as I turned to face him.

He started whispering under his breath, and I took a moment to study him.

Without the mask on.

He had dark hair and bright green eyes. His hair was disheveled and he had a trail of blood leaking from his temple, wrapping around his hairline.

His eyes were wide with fear and his hands were tied behind his back. His dark clothing was stretched tightly against a lanky chest. Beneath the collar of his shirt I could just barely make out a gold crucifix dangling.

As I leaned towards him he jerked away from me, his eyes trained on the gun in my hand.

With a sigh I tucked the gun against my side and kneeled before him.

"Look at me, Julian. Don't look at the gun," I demanded.

He was shaking as I laid a gentle hand on his denim clad thigh, but my touch only seemed to worry him more as he clenched his eyes together, and began to cry in earnest.

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea what we were called down here to do! I didn't know until the last minute- I know that don't make it- I'm _sorry!,"_ He coughed out.

I knew in that moment that Clay had used this child as a scapegoat for his dirty work. I could tell by the look on his face that he was genuinely sorry.

"Pay attention to me, Julian. Listen to me. I'm not here to kill you," I said softly.

Slowly he began to relax, although he was still close to hyperventilating.

"Breathe with me, in and out. In and out," I told him calmly.

Eventually, after a few minutes of this, he calmed.

His green eyes never left mine as he studied me.

"I'm sorry," He said again.

I smiled a tremulous smile.

"I've been through worse."

His face was pinched with confusion as he watched me sit back on my haunches and tuck the gun into the waistband of my pants like I'd seen Jackson do a million and one times.

"Why are you here if you aren't going to kill me?," He whispered.

I patted his thigh gently and watched him closely.

"Does your mother know where you are?," I asked.

He didn't answer me for a long while until he muttered, "She's dead."

"No father?"

He shook his head.

"You ain't got anybody, do ya, kid?"

Again, he shook his head.

I inhaled and exhaled roughly.

"I'm not here to kill you because just as I suspected you were used as a pawn in a game much more complicated than you know. Instead of hurting you anymore than you already have been, I'm going to make you an offer," I said as I swept the sticky, bloody, hair away from his face.

His eyes closed tightly as if he wasn't used to being touched in a soft manner.

The idea broke my heart.

As his eyes opened, I could hear the telltale sound of Jax's shoes on the stairs.

"I want to offer you the chance at a family, at friends, at _redemption._ Do you see that man standing near the bottom of the stairs?," I asked.

I could see Jax out of the corner of my eyes cross his arms across his chest.

Julian nodded.

"He's my old man. He's president of The Redwood Original's. You've heard of him?," I asked him.

"Yes. He told me who he was."

I smiled.

"He's a good man. I bet if you ask him very nicely, he'll let you prospect for our charter."

His eyes widened and I glanced at Jax, who had much the same expression on his face.

"Can...can he do that?," Julian asked hopefully.

I stood, walked around to the back of his chair, and slid a knife from my boot. With a precision only Opie could have taught me, I cut the ropes from Julian's wrists and feet.

I could tell he'd urinated on himself, and I momentarily hated that he'd been in so much fear because of me.

"Yes, he can bring it to the table," I said as I walked around the chair to face the young man once more.

He sat still, rubbing his chafed wrists.

Kneeling before him again, I nudged his chin up so he could see into my eyes.

"I'm not a very forgiving person, Julian. You'll have to earn our trust here, you'll have to earn your keep. But _if_ you make it, you'll have family. You'll have people that will be there for you no matter what," I said kindly.

"It ain't easy here. It's really hard. Earning our trust will be _hard._ Ask any of these men here and they'll tell you exactly how evil I can be; I love fiercely, and I'm loyal to the death. If that is something that you want, then the man behind me is the man to talk to," I said.

His teeth were nibbling a hole into his bottom lip as his sad gaze rose above mine and met Jax's over my shoulder.

"Would you-would you let me prospect for you?," He practically whispered.

Jax laid a hand on my shoulder and squeezed before he tucked me behind his back.

"You a decent shot?"

Julian nodded.

"You quick on your feet?," Jax asked.

Again, he nodded.

"I'll bring it to the table. The men at that table would do anything for Lola, Julian. I won't guarantee it, but if they say yes, you owe your life to that woman. Anything she needs, you better be the first to offer it to her," Jax said sternly.

He looked at me and nodded fervently.

I smiled at him.

"And if you ever lay a hand on my old lady again, the only consideration you'll be getting, is that I won't tell you beforehand that I'm going to kill you," Jax finished.

Julian nodded and ducked his head.

Jax sighed and turned to face me, motioning for me to head upstairs.

"Happy, take Julian back to the clubhouse. Put him up in my old room, let him have some of my clothes. I'll be back later to bring him to the table."

Julian watched me like a lost puppy as I headed upstairs and for a moment I wanted to stay, but I knew that Jax wanted to have words with me.

He hadn't expected me to take that route, and I couldn't blame him- he'd brought me there to undoubtedly kill the poor kid, but I couldn't.


	9. Chapter 9

As we climbed into my car, Jax started the engine and glanced over at me.

His eyes were filled with such adoration I couldn't say a word.

The drive to our house was quick, but as Jax pulled me through the front door and slammed it closed, I guess it wasn't quick enough.

I stepped into the kitchen and grabbed a glass, impressed with how pristine the house looked.

"Do you have any idea how fuckin' proud I am that you're my old lady?"

I turned, surprised.

"What? Why?"

As I sipped, Jax peeled off his jacket and his shoes, hanging the jacket by the door.

When he turned he was smiling.

"That kid had nobody. You knew to ask him that. You could tell just by lookin' at him that he was all alone- which would have made it easier for us to waste him. Instead you chose to save him- why?"

I shrugged, uncomfortable with his line of questioning.

"I know what it's like to be all alone, and not have anybody. I remember those days, and he's just a kid. He doesn't need to die just because he made a mistake," I told him truthfully.

Jax took the glass out of my hands and set it aside, pulling me into his arms.

"That's what I mean, Lola. You're so damn kind. You saved that kid's life tonight, and you couldn't care less about the fact that you didn't get your pound of flesh in return."

I accepted his kiss, eagerly.

"He's gotta prove he can hack it here."

Jax snorted.

"He'll do fine. They'll vote him in, for you , and he'll be your little shadow. You don't ever have to worry about feeling alone again, baby."

He trailed his lips along my jawline and I sighed in contentment. This was perfect, the perfect way to end a day.

Jax's mouth settled on mine like it was always meant to, and suddenly I reminded of that night we'd met six years ago.

"Why didn't you say something to me, Jax? All these years, and you never said a word about wantin' anything more than bein' friends. How come?," I whispered.

He tucked hair behind my ear.

"I couldn't. Opie was happy, and so were you."

"Yeah, but I'm happy with you, too."

His eyes filled with happiness and he tucked me closer into the circle of his arms as he lifted me easily and turned towards the stairs.

His lips found the tender skin of my neck easily, like he loved to do, he kissed and nibbled on me until we were both panting. I could feel his hard cock through the tough material of his jeans. His beard scraped against my sensitive flesh, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered if Jackson and I weren't together.

"I love you," he whispered huskily as he set me down onto my feet.

I leaned into the kiss when he ducked his head towards me, and holy hell, did his hands make me want to commit sins I wouldn't ever be forgiven for.

His blonde hair hung in into his eyes as he stepped back and slid his calloused fingertips beneath my shirt, sliding it up and over my head. He was careful when he eased his hand against my bruised skin.

"It doesn't turn you off?," I asked self-consciously.

His blue eyes darted to mine as he shook his head vehemently.

"Battle wounds, Lola. They're sexy as hell."

My hair was swept away from my face as he leaned forward to suck an earlobe into his mouth with ease.

My knees threatened to buckle.

My heart was pounding in my chest.

His hands removed his own shirt and then we were touching skin on skin.

I whimpered when his slid a hand down the front of my jeans and tucked his long fingers inside of my panties.

"Damn, woman, you're wet for me, ain't ya?," He asked as he dipped his tongue into my mouth.

His name fell from my lips like a prayer, like a mantra, as he finger fucked me much like he had on my hospital bed.

Frantically I unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his jeans, needing to feel him inside of me finally.

Jax didn't fight me either as his pants fell to the floor and he lifted me into his arms. Wrapped together, wound around one another, it felt right.

It felt like home, like my safe haven.

Ironically enough even though Jax's job threatened our lives more often than not, he made me feel safe.

His weathered hands made their way along the lines of my body, stopping only to cup my breasts as he leaned down to suck one pert nipple into his mouth and worship it with his tongue. The sensations running through me were amazing, perfect, so damn sexy I could barely breathe.

As he laid me back against the cool sheets on our bed, it struck me at that moment how far we'd come.

He'd never pushed me to make love, he'd never expected it. We fooled around all the time, but most of that was us catching up on six years of intimacy.

"Tell me you want us to stop," Jax said as he licked at my other nipple.

"No,no," I whispered.

His blue eyes were practically glowing when he looked up at me from his kneeling position between my legs.

"I can't stop if I touch you again, Lola."

I only tugged him down on top of me, nestling his cock at the entrance of my pussy, licking the underside of his chin as I tugged on his hair.

The growl that left his mouth should have scared me, but instead, his impressive dick found it's way inside of me.

With a groan that could hardly be called chaste, I wrapped my legs around his

waist and tried to keep my screaming quiet.

That plan failed as soon as he lifted one leg at the knee and deepened our connection. The new angle allowed for me to toss my hair back behind my head and pinch my own nipples.

Before I could service my other nipple however, Jax slapped my hand away and sucked it into his mouth.

His teeth grazed me just right and I felt that tension in my lower belly tighten almost to the point of pain.

"I wanna come, I need to come," I said into his ear.

He reached beneath me to lift me closer to his body; chest to chest, pelvis to pelvis.

His tongue licked the inner caverns of my mouth as he sped up his thrusts, murmuring my name as he did so.

I could feel the tingles start beneath my skin, I could feel the heat spreading as he fucked me into oblivion.

Six years was well worth the wait, and if the way he looked into my eyes was any indication, he thought so too.

"I love you."

His words were simple and yet they set off my body like a stroke of lightning. I fell over the precipice and stiffened against him as my orgasm swallowed me whole.

Love him, love him, never lose him.

He whispered my name softly and I felt hot jets of his release fill me as he leaned forward to kiss me.

"Damn, that was amazing," he said as he kissed my nose.

I smiled, nodding against him.

We Lay there sweaty and spent and tired.

Yet even then, I realized there was no place else I would rather be.

Jax moved over, rolling away from me as he leaned over the side of the bed and dug around in his jeans for something.

"What are you lookin' for?," I asked, wrapping the bed sheet around myself and sitting up.

Jax just smiled in the moonlight and I smiled back, unsure as to why he seemed so happy.

"You know I love you, don't you?"

I nodded.

"Abel loves you too. You've always been there for both of us, and he really cares about you," Jax said as he slid his boxers back on.

I frowned, confused as to where this was going.

"Hey, are you okay? Are you upset that it took so long-," Jax stopped me with a kiss.

"No, I'm not mad. I'm so fuckin' happpy I could sing, but we both know I'm tone deaf."

I giggled, nodding my head.

"Do you see yourself with me forever?"

I nodded.

"Of course. I thought I was your old lady?," I said.

He took my hand into his and nodded.

"You are. The best damn old lady I could ever ask for. And I know you lost Opie not long ago and I know everything seems to be going really shitty right now, but I was really hoping that we could do something that would make the both of us happy," Jax said with a shy smile.

He didn't get shy on me often, but when he did, it was so damn cute.

Jax opened his palm and I saw a ring sparkling in the moonlight, but not just any ring.

Gemma's ring.

"I was wondering if you would consider marrying me? We don't have to do it right now, but-"

I cut him off with a solid kiss to his perfect mouth as I nodded my head so hard I thought I'd knock us both stupid.

"Yes, yes! Are you sure?," I asked as I pulled back enough to see into his eyes.

It mattered.

He needed to be sure.

"Of course I am. I already asked Abel and he told me to make sure that I ask you to dance."

I laughed at that, pressing my forehead against his.

He lifted my left hand and slid the ring onto my finger.

When I realized it was a perfect fit I had no idea if that was a good omen or a bad omen, but with the way Jax was smiling, it had to be good.


	10. Chapter 10

To those those of you who've already read the update I want to thank you for the reviews! You guys are awesome and the support on this story is amazing.

I just wanted to apologize for the small errors! I was having a hard time editing but I think I fixed them!

enjoy:)

(Jax)

Diamonds looked good on Lola. She was smiling wide from ear to ear, laughing at something Julian said.

I'd been right of course; the club had voted him on for Lola, and now he had Lola duty until I told him otherwise. He was going to make her the happiest old lady on the fucking planet or I was going to make damn sure he regretted it.

Turns out he's pretty good with an engine, and that made Lola happy as hell from what I could see.

Happy and Tig had their eyes on the pair of them, but she seemed to know that because she sent them both a wink and ordered Julian to do whatever he'd done right a few seconds ago again, to make sure it was done right.

"Your girl is one of a kind," I heard.

I turned to see Clay watching her with an unreadable expression on his face.

 _Stay calm._

 _Don't let him know you're on to him._

"Yeah, she sure is."

"Indestructible, too. Didn't she just get the shit beat out of 'er? Why is she back to work already?," Clay asked me.

I eyed the oxygen tank, the easy way his chest rose and fell.

"She's got a new friend. Wants to make sure he settles in alright," I told him truthfully.

And that was the truth; she'd practically ordered me to leave Julian be while she worked with him, something I admired.

She slung an arm around his shoulder, and I could tell he was still uneasy to be around the Sons, but he smiled at her genuinely.

Another one to bite the dust, and eat the ashes of Lola Winston.

 _She's a fucking snake charmer._

"Hope she doesn't run into anymore trouble. Sure would be a shame to lose Lola Winston," Clay said casually as he made his way into the clubhouse.

He made my skin crawl, and the idea of him being this close to Lola after ordering a hit on her, well that shit made me so angry I could barely see straight.

But ya know what she told me

" _Let it go, Jackson Teller. He'll get his."_

Yet when she'd killed the guard that ordered Opie's hit, she'd been heartless. Cold, unmoving, relentless.

In fact, she'd been downright terrifyingly creative, too.

Somehow my charming little fiancé had gotten her hands on Mackey's murder weapon, and when she'd raised it to the light inside Mackey's home, it still shone with Opie's blood.

" _Do you know what I had to do to get this?,"_ She'd asked.

None of us wanted to know, and even when he'd begged for his life, for mercy, she kept on swinging that fucking pipe until he stopped screaming.

Gemma caught my eye as she waved me over to the office, her feet tapping impatiently.

"What is it, Ma?"

She shakes her head and sighs.

"There's heat comin' down on this club everywhere we turn. Have you gotten any info on Clay's involvement yet?"

I glanced around the office, shaking my head as I closed the door.

"We've got shit going down with Romeo and with Lin, I'm so busy with that I can barely concentrate on anything else."

She cleared her throat.

"We've got another problem," she said sadly.

"What?"

"Wendy just called me, pissed as hell about your engagement. She's furious about Abel's kidnaping too, and she's threatening to talk. We can't handle her spllin' any beans, Jackson. That druggy broad could bring this whole club down," Gemma told me anxiously.

I swore under my breath and ran a hand through my hair.

"What the fuck is goin' on with people? First the shit with Juice and now this shit with Wendy, it's like there's somethin' in the water. I gotta go, I'm waitin' on a call from Lee. Be careful, make sure ya got your gun on ya, and watch your back."

With a kiss to Gemma's cheek I slammed out of the office, catching Lola's attention. She motioned for Julian to keep working as she ran towards me, smiling at me as she neared.

"What's the matter, baby?"

I shook my head but she glanced at the clubhouse and motioned for me to follow.

As we stepped inside, Chucky sent us both a friendly wave and she responded in kind, earning a smile from him.

 _I love her._

"Tell me what's goin' on."

Her voice left no room for argument and for a second she looked just like ma with the way she was standing.

I ran a hand down her arm and told her everything that was going on from Pope, to the guns, to Juice, and even Wendy.

She swore under her breath and nibbled on her bottom lip before she stood straighter and cupped my cheeks in her hands.

"Do you trust me?"

I frowned, nodding my head as she leaned forward to kiss my mouth sweetly.

"I can't handle your club business, but if you'll let me, I can take care of the Wendy business."

She sounded so confident, so sure, that all I could do was nod. She wrapped her arms around my neck and snuggled in close for a second, making my cock hard in a second.

"I'll head out for now, keep an eye on my baby out there," She said with a smile.

"You mean Julian?"

She giggled and nodded her dark head. Her curls bounced and for a moment she looked like the young girl I'd seen six years ago in that dingy bar.

"I'll watch him, but you do know it isn't fair that you're givin' him so much attention? I think Juice is starting to get jealous."

She rolled her eyes and pecked my mouth again before she was gone, out the door, and driving out of the parking lot.

"Hey, boss?"

I turned to see Rat watching me.

"Lee's on the phone, man. And he ain't happy."

I frowned, snatching the phone out of his hand, shaking my head.

"Tell him to join the fucking club."

(Lola)

Wendy was at her apartment, and she opened the door when I knocked.

"Oh, Jesus, did Jax send you here to do handle his business?," She sneered as I stepped inside.

I scoffed.

"Hardly. I came here to talk to you myself," I said softly.

Her expression softened when she seems to realize I wasn't there to threaten her, and instead of arguing, she nodded.

She led me into her living room, gesturing to the couch.

"Can I grab you anything?"

"A cigarette would be nice."

She easily slid one from a box on the coffee table and offered it to me with a lighter.

"What are you doing here, Lola?"

I lit the cigarette, looking for the right words to start with.

"I love Abel, you know that."

She nodded, leaning forward slightly in her chair as if she was intrigued by what I was saying.

"Jax asked me to marry him, and I said yes. I'm sure you've heard, but I wanted to tell you myself. Abel is your son and you have a right to hear it from me," I continued.

She cleared her throat, obviously surprised, and nodded.

"Thank you. I appreciate that."

"Wendy, I'm going to shoot straight with you. Shit with the club is scary tense right now, and I know you probably already know that. I love Jax and I'm loyal until death, but he's a man and he doesn't understand the connection women have to their children. I will never be Abel's mom, but I am going to be a maternal figure in his life, as I have been for the last few years. I think it's time for you to be included, however," I said softly.

Her amber colored eyes filled with tears and she ducked her head into her hands for a moment.

"Really?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, Wendy. Jax is just trying to protect Abel, but I checked you out. I know you're clean. I know you've got a good job and you're doing well. Progress is good, but change is better. If I have a custody agreement formally written out for you and Jax, will you calm down about goin' to the cops? I'm tryin' to save your life, Wendy."

She was sobbing into her hands, something I fully expected, and as I scooted closer to her, she wrapped her arms around me and thanked me.

"Thank you, Lo. Thank you, I can't- _thank you."_

"Don't thank me yet, baby. I haven't told Jax this is why I came here. I'm bound to get myself in a lot of trouble," I murmured as I held her close while she cried.

Yet I understood her point of view, and I also knew that this was the smartest way to ease the club's mind about Wendy and her opening her mouth to the Feds.

"Ya gotta promise me ya won't say a word to Gemma. I'm going to have to lay it out for her, and I don't want you stuck in the cross hairs. I'm going to leave you our new address and I will call you to set up a meeting between you and Jax and a lawyer. Okay?"

She just nodded her curly head and I sighed with relief.

"Thank you, Wendy."

"For what? This is more than I could have ever expected, Lola. Seriously, I'm so grateful. All I wanted was a second chance, but SAMCRO was bound and determined not to give it to me," She whispered raggedly.

I swiped at the runny makeup under her eyes and smiled sadly.

"I know. I've been feelin' sentimental lately, and it's saved a couple of lives. I'll call you, okay? And do yourself a favor, stay away from Clay."

She frowned but nodded her head yes before she stood and walked me to the door.

"Hey, Lola?"

"Yeah?"

She sighed.

"I'm really sorry about Opie, but Jax is a good man. A little lost, a little scared, but he's a good man."

I smiled and cupped her cheek.

"I know. And hey, maybe if you aren't too busy, maybe you could help me plan this wedding."

She laughed, nodding her head eagerly.

"I would actually really like that."

As I stepped outside, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

" _Where are you?"_

"On my way back to the lot. What's up?"

" _Come to church when you get here, okay?"_

Jax's voice held no room for argument.

"Yeah, see you soon."

The click told me he hung up, which irked the hell out of me, but I just groaned and climbed into my car, ready to face whatever he had waiting for me.

 _He still doesn't know I made a deal with Wendy._

The wind tossed my hair around, the clouds rumbled loudly, and I knew that storm overhead was just foreshadowing for the night ahead of me.

(Lola)

The clubhouse was filled with crow eaters, who waved at me with smiles as I entered.

"Hey, girls. Havin' a party tonight?"

They all nodded and continued cleaning as Chucky restocked the bar.

I waved in his direction as I knocked on the Church doors and waited for Jax to call me I entered, all eyes were on me, and I smiled uneasily.

"Hello, gentleman."

Jax smirked in my direction but it was brief, and when I took a seat, he cleared his throat.

"Did you take care of Wendy?," He asked me.

I winced and smiled at him.

"Yes?"

"Is that a question or an answer?," He asked me.

"I did, but you aren't gonna like it. Let's just say she's backed down, and you don't have to worry about her," I said easily.

Tig chuckled from his seat.

"You kill her?"

I stuck my tongue out.

"No, I did not."

I noticed that everyone but Clay was there and I frowned.

"He's not invited to this conversation. One on one, Lola. Lee called me today, told me that Julian and his partner were sent down for _Clay_ under the guise that he needed help moving into his new apartment. Apparently he told Lee he was having a hard time and that we were short handed here. They'd just been introduced to the Tacoma charter and were doing this favor for Lee to get an opportunity to prospect," Jax said softly.

I swore under my breath.

"That gnarly old bastard put a hit out on me, we know it for sure?," I spat.

I felt a hand land on top of mine and I turned to see Tig watching me with those glowing blue eyes.

"We know, baby. We're gonna end him, but we have to be smart about it."

I frowned and sat back.

Jax was watching me with an intensity that surprised me, but I held my cool. That's what he needed from me.

"I have to ask you to do something that I don't want you to do."

 _Oh._

 _Here we go._

"What?"

Jax tapped his fingers against the well crafted wood of the table and I glared at the reaper before me.

"I need you to play bait. I don't want you to worry, Lo. You'll have eyes and ears on you the whole time, but I need you to draw Clay out," Jax said.

How could I argue?

I needed to be strong, to be smart, to _stay alive._

Clay Morrow would be a thorn in all our sides until we took him out. That was a fact.

If we ever wanted to go green, if Jax ever wanted to go _legal_...this was something I would have to participate in.

"I'll do it. If bringing Julian back here didn't draw him out, then we have to do something else. I thought for sure bringing Julian back here where Clay could see him alive and well would set him off, but obviously that didn't work," I said frowning.

Tig patted my hand.

"He knows we know, Lola. That's all that matters. No more passive aggressive bull shit," he said sternly.

I rolled my shoulders and looked around the table at the men that I'd come to love.

"I have an idea, but you aren't going to like it."

Jax crossed his arms across his chest, stoically.

Here he wasn't my old man.

He wasn't the man that rubbed my feet for me or held me tightly at night while he made love to me.

No, here he was president.

He was _theirs._

"I'm going to face Clay one on one. Alone."

The entire table erupted with noise, but Jax held up one hand and the room silenced immediately.

"Let's hear her out."


	11. Chapter 11

(Lola)

Jax wasn't paying attention to me. In fact, I was willing to bet I wasn't even on his mind at the moment. There was a lot party going on and he wasn't even bothering to attend.

He was in the garage, teaching Julian how to do something underneath the hood of an old pick up.

I'd heard Julian shyly ask Jax for help and hour before, but I'd let them go. Julian needed to spend more time with Jax so that he knew he was truly accepted. I wanted to intervene, but watching Jax teach him something that he could have easily said no to, made my heart skip a beat.

I was smoking a cigarette as I watched them from the side of the clubhouse, sipping on a tall glass of tequila to take away the edge. The conversation at church hadn't been pretty, and while I wanted nothing more than to take Jax home and discuss it further, I knew we both needed a break.

The sound of the door opening behind me had me turning to see who was joining me.

"Why are you out here watching Jax and Julian?," Juice asked me.

I smiled at him accepting the arm he threw around my shoulders.

"I like to see Jax doing something besides worrying about this damn club," I admitted.

Juice sighed and lit his own cigarette, nodding his bald head.

"Yeah, I hear ya. Been awhile since shit's been good."

I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips.

"Juicy, shit ain't ever _good._ "

"How can you say that? You didn't think you'd survive Opie's death, and look at you now. You and Jax are moving forward, you're getting ready to eliminate the one black mark on this whole club. You get to be a mom to Abel. Sounds good to me," He said fiercely.

I turned to look at him, at those endearing brown eyes and that sweet smile. Cupping his chin in my hands, I smiled back at him.

"You're one of my favorites, ya know that? One day you're gonna meet the sweetest bitch that ever lived, and she's gonna make you so damn happy," I promised.

He patted my hand and nodded.

"Sometimes I think you're right, but most of the time, I wonder if we'll ever make it that far."

His words saddened me, so I set my drink down and placed my right hand over my heart.

"Juan Carlos Ortiz, I solemnly swear to never let you down. I will try my hardest to keep all of my promises to you, large and small, until the end of time. You're going to get your happy ending, okay?"

He was silent for so long I almost thought I'd made him mad, until he jerked me into his arms and hugged me so tight he forced a cough out of me.

"You're a good woman, Lola."

He pulled away before I could stop him.

As he closed the door behind him, I turned to see Jax smiling at Julian with that bright blue eyes trained on something in the garage. Julian's laughter floated towards me on the breeze and I felt utter contentment wash over me.

As I neared the two, I smiled. Julian caught my gaze and his whole face brightened.

"Hey, mama."

He'd gotten used to calling me that, but I didn't really mind. Happy called me that too.

"What are my two boys doing?," I asked.

Jax's warm smile met my eyes and I knew exactly what he was thinking about.

The jeans I was wearing just got a little too tight.

"Julian, baby, why don't you give me and the prez here a little time to ourselves?," I murmured. Jax's eyebrows quirked, and Julian cleared his throat as he leaned down to kiss my temple.

"Yeah, sure. See you tomorrow."

As he left, I turned around to close the garage door. I downed the rest of the tequila in my glass and set the empty glass on the top of the car Jax was working on. His blue eyes followed my every move, and I didn't look away.

"What are you doing?"

"I feel like we've been talking quite a bit lately, Mr. Teller."

He smirked.

"Is that so?"

I shrugged, taking the time to slide the straps of my top off of my shoulders slowly. His eyes darkened as he watched every movement I made. When my shirt hit the floor his hands rose as if to touch me and I tsked.

"Not just yet, Jackson Teller. I've got more to show you."

His eyes widened and he held his hands up wide on either side of his head.

"Okay, Lola Winston."

Yet his voice had gone husky, deep, the gravelly sound only made my pussy clench tighter. I unbuttoned my jeans, sliding them down my hips inch by agonizing inch. The blue lingerie I'd bought was supposed to be a surprise, and if the expression on his face was any indication, he liked it.

"I went into town two days ago, looked around. I got a lot of compliments on my ring, did I tell you that?"

He shook his head, and I could tell he was trying very hard to concentrate.

"I thought about how you told me you wanted everything for us. Do you remember?"

Jax nodded his head as my jeans hit the floor and I kicked out of them. My heels were all that was left, and as I bent to unstrap them, his husky voice met my ears.

"Leave them."

I did as he asked, raising to my full height.

"I got a little something from Happy two days ago, after I'd bought this little number," I said as I flicked the strap to my balconette bra. The sapphire colored cups pressed my breasts together in a tantalizing way, and the lace garter belt matched. It connected to fish net stockings with little bejeweled bows.

"You've been taking the initiative with all of our firsts. You mentioned to me that you wanted me to take your crow, is that still true?," I asked as I stepped towards him.

"Yes," He whispered.

If he wanted to, he could have melted me in that moment. The way he looked at me, well that said it all. All of his love, all of his devotion, it was right there in his eyes as he watched me. It wasn't just lust. This was a connection on a deeper level; Jax thought I was beautiful no matter what the hell I wore, but I still loved to see that expression on his face.

That, _holy fuck_ , expression.

I smiled again, untying my hair from it's ponytail. As it fell down my back Jax lifted a hand and slid two fingers down the valley of my breasts and along the edges of my abs, stopping only after they passed my belly button. The thong I was wearing was crotchless and it became apparent that he'd discovered that fact when he hissed between his teeth and reached for me.

"Ah ah, I have to show you your surprise," I said softly.

He looked up at me and I walked back until I made it to the hood of the truck he'd been fixing. With a peek over my shoulder I could see he had his eyes trained on my bare ass.

I wiggled it for him, turning back around when I heard his grin. Slamming the hood closed, I hopped on top of it and slowly spread my thighs.

Jax's gaze zeroed in on my pussy, and it took him a moment longer than I thought it would, but his expression softened when he saw the small script on the inside of my left thigh.

"You got my name tattooed on you?"

I shrugged.

"Yeah, I did. I still have Opie's crow, and it didn't feel right to get another one. I wanted something more personal, something for you and I," I admitted.

He slid his fingers along the still sensitive skin and I sighed.

"I don't think you know how much this means to me," He whispered. I had an idea, with the way his eyes lingered on the black letters. He bent forward and kissed it gently.

I ran my fingers along his beard, nudging his chin up so I could see those perfect blue eyes.

"Why don't you show me?"

His hands fell to my hips as his mouth landed on mine, and I couldn't stop the way my thighs clenched around his waist.

The denim of his jeans was rubbing my skin the wrong way so I reached down to unbutton them, enjoying the feel of his soft skin beneath my fingertips.

"You're so beautiful," He said into my ear.

 _I believed him._

I kissed him again, grateful when he stepped out of his jeans altogether. His cock was hard against my belly, his mouth was hot on mine. His tongue snaked into my mouth, tasted me, sipped on me. His calloused hands worked their way underneath my bra and I gasped as he tweaked my nipples.

"You like that, don't you?"

I nodded, scraping my nails across his chest.

He hissed again and I used that opportunity to bite his lip, bringing him down closer to me. I pushed his kutte to the floor. His t-shirt was still between us and I hooked my hands on either side of the collar and yanked until the material ripped.

He looked at his shirt and then back at me.

"Don't make a lady wait, Jackson. It ain't polite," I breathed.

He dipped his head and buried his hands in my hair as he kissed me breathless.

He felt so good my pussy was soaked before he even slipped a hand beneath my garter belt to touch me.

"God _damn_ , Lola," He groaned as he kicked out of his boxers.

His skin was hot on mine, and as he laid me back against the cold hood of that Ford, he dipped his head to suck one nipple into his mouth. I gasped his name loudly and arched my back, wanting nothing more than to feel that cock buried inside of me like the wanton slut I was.

He seemed to read my mind as he did just as I wanted and used my position as an opportunity to slide into me.

He was big and I was tight and the sensation was literally heaven as he began to thrust into me.

He laid a hand on my stomach, keeping me flat as he worked his magic.

He drew my legs up on either side of his waist, leaning into me and hitting my g-spot from a deeper angle.

"Jax! _Yes,"_ I cried out.

He wrapped a hand around my neck and brought us closer, his tongue sliding between my lips and caressing mine.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, riding him like I wanted to, inhaling his scent.

I could feel myself cusping the very edge of an orgasm, so Jax moved faster.

 _Faster._

He bumped my clit with every thrust and I threw my head back, closing my eyes as the tension in my belly roiled to a boiling point.

"No. Look at me. I want you to look at me while you come," Jax said harshly through gritted teeth.

I gasped, nodding, cupping his cheeks and kissing him as my orgasm rose closer to the surface.

It was there, so close, so fucking _close-_

Jax pressed two fingers against my swollen clit and I yelled his name, yanking on the ends of his hair as his blue eyes stayed glued to mine while I came, _hard,_ on that perfect cock of his.

It wasn't more than a few seconds before he was pressing his forehead to mine and coming inside of me. I could feel the heat of him dripping down my thighs.

"I love you."

His words were almost a whisper.

I pulled back enough to kiss his mouth again.

"I love you, too."

He smoothed hair away from my face and nuzzled my nose with his.

"I love the surprise."

I smiled into his mouth as he kissed me again.

A sudden banging on the garage door had me jumping.

"Hey, love birds, quit fuckin' and get in here! You're missin' the party!," Tig called.

I giggled and pressed my face into Jax's shirt.

"Be right out!," Jax called.

There was a moment of silence before we heard Tig speak again.

"Unless you want some company-"

"Go, Tig!"

Jax and I were both laughing how as he handed me my clothes.

We heard him mumbling to himself as he walked away.

"You're gonna keep me on my toes for the rest of our lives, ain't ya?"

I smiled as I slid into my jeans.

"You bet that sweet ass of yours, I am."


	12. Chapter 12

I'm so sorry it's been so long! I've been so busy, but for all of you still waiting and reading, thank you! I am working on a new update now, and I promise the wait will be worth it.

Thank you again!

(Lola)

 _Roses._

The roses were back.

Gemma had ordered dozens of them, all to be delivered to our wedding venue. They were a gorgeous array of peach and yellow roses; pretty colors for a warm wedding. Gemma was smiling ear to ear as she nodded at the delivery boy as if he were her knight in shining armor.

I sucked in a breath and tried my hardest not to lose my mind over the amount of glitter, candles, and tulle that was currently sitting on the pool table before me.

"Looks like quite the load there, mama."

I glanced at Happy and nodded, smiling as I held up a handful of peach colored jewels.

"Wanna help me make some center pieces?"

He choked out a laugh and winked at me.

"Maybe you should ask Juice for some help with this."

I nodded, motioning for Juan to join me.

"Will you help me with this?," I asked once he arrived beside me. He smiled wide and nodded, digging in like it was his life goal to make me the _best_ center pieces.

I heard a shuffle behind me, turned to see Tig rushing to his feet. His blue gaze met mine and for a moment it was as if I was the only person in the world. I watched his smile fall from his lips as he turned to glance out the window. Juan swore under his breath when he looked out the very same window, prompting me to the do the same.

 _No._

 _There's no fucking way!_

The most annoying bitch to ever walk on two legs rounded the side of a black shiny car, sunglasses shading her eyes.

I felt the glass cylinder I was holding slip through my fingers, heard the sound of it shatter, but it didn't _register._

I could feel the warmth of Juan's hand tugging on my own, but his voice didn't reach my ears.

Then I saw him, my old man, walking across the lot with an indecipherable look on his face.

His blue eyes were icy in the sunlight, a direction contradiction to the heat outside.

"Lola!"

I jerked, turning to see Happy me with worried amber eyes.

"Take a breath."

I suddenly inhaled, the sound shaky and absolute.

"Should I go out there?," I asked.

Tig planted two hands on his hips as he motioned at the door.

"Is my favorite position doggy style? Fuck yes! Get your skinny ass out there!"

I tried to ignore the image in my head of Tig performing his favorite position as I moved for the door.

I tried to play it cool, but if there was a reason for _Tara Knowles_ being back in Charming, I wanted to hear it.

As I crested the doorway, I heard the steady tenor of Jackson's voice. It was calm and steady like their last encounter hadn't involved tears and agony and his own first heartbreak.

When he saw me over her shoulder, he smiled wide and motioned for me to join him.

I waved, heading right into his arms and turning to greet Tara.

"Well, well. You sure move on quick," She said.

I frowned.

"Which one of us are you referring to, exactly?"

Her lip curled up the slightest bit before a smile overtook her face and she held her hand out.

"Tara Knowles. I don't think we've ever met," She said.

I shook her hand, but I didn't return her smile. We _had_ met, back when I lived on the wrong side of the tracks. Back when I wasn't a SAMCRO queen and she was just a gangly girl with her legs spread wide for the SAMCRO prince.

"Nice to meet you, Tara. I'll leave you two to chat, alright? I'll go finish the center pieces Gemma tasked me with," I said with a gentle pat to Jax's cheek. He snorted and rolled his eyes, kissing my temple as I pulled away. I nodded towards Tara and waited until she inclined her head in return before I departed. Gemma whistled at me and wagged a finger. I headed over there instead, smirking when she tsked.

"You know if any reason that bitch would be back in town?"

I looked at her through narrowed eyes.

"Do you honestly think I would have any logical reason to leave my _fiancé,_ her _ex_ , alone with that viper woman?"

Gemma laughed.

"I suppose you're right. So then why the hell is she here?"

When I turned to see her wrap her scrawny little arms around my finance I wanted to walk right over there and remind her why she used to be afraid of me, but that wouldn't be fair to Jax. He deserved my trust. He hadn't done anything to warrant any suspicion, _ever_ , so I kept my distance as they talked.

Jackson kept his hands in his pockets and avoided touching her any further, which was a huge sign of how uncomfortable he was, because he was as touchy-feely as they came. Gemma laid a hand on my shoulder and sighed.

"If Tara is back in town, trouble is sure to follow."

I snorted.

"I just want to finish those damn center pieces and get myself hitched to that sexy man over there."

Gemma's laughter surrounded me as she gently kissed my temple and stepped out of the office.

"Believe me, baby- Jackson wants the same damn thing."

Her words brought me comfort, the good kind, the only kind I needed-because Gemma Teller was _right._ If Tara Knowles was back in town, trouble was sure to follow...if it wasn't already here.

(Jax)

Lola was being amazing.

Not that she ever took a break from being so good to me, because she didn't- Lola was practically a God send right now. She was handling all the wedding details my ma threw at her and then some, and she hadn't complained once.

I thought for sure she'd come bounding outside demanding answers when Tara rolled up, but I should have known better. Lola was, if anything, kind above all else.

"Jax, are you listening?," Tara asked.

I cleared my throat.

"Yeah, Tara. I hear you. What I wanna know is, why are you _here_ after almost two decades?"

She looked down at her feet as she kicked a few pebbles around.

"I just need a place to lay low for a few weeks. I'm staying a motel in town, I just...wanted to tell you in person I was in town," She said softly.

I let my eyes wander down the curves of her body. More so out of curiosity than anything else, I'd always wondered what Tara would look like if we'd stayed together. Of course when I was still a teengaer, I'd imagined our lives ending up completely differnent. It would have been her I was marrying in three days, not Lola; but I wouldn't change that fact now, not ever.

"Well, thanks for stopping by. I'm sure you understand why there aren't many people here who want to welcome you with open arms," I said.

She winced, but her hazel eyes narrowed and I watched her glance in the direction of my mother and Lola.

"Lola is your old lady?"

I smiled wide, I couldn't help it; I grinned like a madman.

"That woman is going to marry me."

Her frown intensified and I shrugged.

"I'm gonna go see how she's doing with the decorations, actually. See ya around."

Walking away from Tara Knowles, knowing that the last thing she would see was my back, well it felt like a petty but small victory for me.

Lola smiled at me like she always did, and my mother rolled her eyes.

"What in the world did that blast from the past want?"

I shrugged.

"Said she would be staying in town for a few, wanted to let me know in person."

Lola frowned, but opened her arms when I stepped towards her.

Like the understanding woman she was, she asked me if I wanted to talk about it- the _it_ being the return of my psychotic ex girlfriend- but I declined.

"The only thing I want to talk about, is how you're getting along with those decorations," I said with a smirk.

She groaned but Gemma sighed.

"You know how it works, Lola girl. Keep an eye on that bitch, and watch your back. I'm gonna go make sure Juice is doing those center pieces right," She said with a pat to my shoulder.

I watched her go before I turned to Lola and tugged on her belt loops.

"You ready to marry me?"

She put a finger to her mouth, tapped on her plush lips.

"I don't know...," She joked.

I pulled her in close, pelvis to pelvis, and kissed her perfect mouth. She giggled, and I soaked it in, her affection. Like the sweet pomegranate seed Persephone tasted that led to her doom, Lola was my nectar.

She was sweet and thoughtful and even though I knew she needed my reassurance after seeing Tara, she didn't demand it from me.

"Lola."

She looked up at me, her brow furrowed.

"I'm trying _really_ hard not to ask any questions about Tara..."

"I know. All I can tell you, is that seeing her makes me even more grateful to have you in my life. I can't wait to marry you."

She smiled wide, that dimple in her right cheek popping out to greet me.

I cupped her cheeks in my hands and kissed her mouth.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Tara getting in her car and preparing to leave.

"I have to go pick up Abel. Nita has plans with her lover tonight, and I said I'd pick him up early. Can I bring him back here for a little, see if he can help me prepare some favors?"

Jax frowned.

"Lola, you never have to ask me if you can spend time with Abel. I know we haven't really discussed the whole 'step-mother' thing, but he loves you like family. You don't have to ask me."

She dipped her head and bit her lip, something that drove me fucking insane.

"You're not still pissed at me about the whole Wendy thing then?"

I sighed shamefully and shook my head.

"No, and I shouldn't have been. You meant well and you helped me out in a big way, I'm thankful. I'm sorry I made you think that you had to walk on eggshells when it came to spending time with Abel," I said truthfully.

She nodded and kissed the side of my cheek.

I watched as she headed for her car, her ponytail swaying, and I silently thanked the Lord that Clay hadn't succeeded in killing her.

"What's the verdict, boss? Why is Tara back in town?," Tig asked me.

I turned to look at him, motioning to Happy.

"I want you two to tail her for the next couple of days, I don't want anything to interfere with Lola's planning or our wedding. The last thing I need is for that bitch to make her upset," I snarled.

Tig smiled.

"She doesn't have a reason to be back?"

"Said she's just laying low for a few weeks. I didn't ask for any details because I don't care," I said honestly.

Happy frowned, rolled a cigarette between his fingers.

"What if Clay called her? Told her you were finally getting married and that if she wanted one last chance at you she better show up sooner rather than later?"

I frowned, shaking my head.

The breeze lifted my hair off the back of my neck and I glanced towards the garage where Clay was struggling with an engine.

"Why would he do that? I married Wendy, remember?"

Tig snorted.

"No offense, but that wasn't serious, and everyone knows it. Lola? She's the real deal. Ride or die."

Happy only nodded, and their positive opinion of her made me beam. She really did make me happier than anyone else in the world apart from Abel, and the fact that she'd made sure to pick him up today was testament to that. Over the last few weeks she'd really pressed us to spend more time together as a family.

That meant more Saturday morning cartoons, more pancake dinners, more Disney movies and popcorn nights. That also meant that the club members got a little more time off too, and apart from waiting for just the _right_ moment to exact my revenge on Clay...everyone was doing better.

Things were finally looking up.

"Like I said, tail her. See who she's 'laying low' from, who she talks to. Make sure she stays the hell away from Lola, too. The last thing I want is for her to start drama."

Tig started to chuckle and I glared at him.

"Jax, brotha, you have to know that your old lady can handle herself."

I smiled, knowing full well exactly how precise she was at _handling herself_ , and me for that matter. Lola was one tough bitch, but Tara could do anything. I hadn't seen her in years, and that meant that I really didn't know her anymore. For all any of us knew, she could be the nicest woman on the planet who meant no harm at all.

"Only way we'll know is if you tail her. Update me later," I said as I stepped towards the garage.

As I heard their bikes depart, I checked my phone for the time.

Time to talk Chucky into making dinner for me and my family.


	13. Chapter 13

(Lola)

She wasn't in town for me. She didn't have family. So why the hell was Tara knowles walking around the lot like she still owned Jax's dick?

She _said_ she wasn't here for him.

She _said_ she just needed a safe place to land for a while...

Yet, I hadn't seen her _land_ anywhere.

She flitted about like bird without wings, irritating me and Gemma.

Happy thought it was hilarious, the way she got on my nerves, but Juice and Chibs watched me with worried eyes.

The only thing that kept me sane was the sexy way Jax was watching me as I helped my little Julian change the oil in an old Taurus.

"I know I shouldn't open this can of worms, ma...but who is this Tara?," Julian asked me sweetly.

I smiled at him, understanding full well that he meant no harm.

"She is Jax's first old lady. They split a _long time_ ago."

He frowned.

His handsome face wrinkled with confusion, like he couldn't imagine Jax with anyone besides me and it made me love him even more.

He was too sweet for the things we had to do here, but he was a good boy who would grow into being a fine man.

"She like you?," he asked.

I had to laugh.

"No. She doesn't, and I don't blame her. Not really. She is who she is," I said with a shrug. He was watching me with those precious blue-green eyes, his brows furrowed.

"You're a special woman, you know that? I never did thank you for letting me come back here, make a home for myself."

I paused, stopping what I was doing completely before I wrapped my hands around his shoulders.

"You remind me of someone I used to love very much. His name was Kip and he was the sweetest man I ever got the chance to know. I knew you had it in you to be a good man, but that's all you baby. You should be proud of yourself."

Julian's face fell for a moment before he nodded.

"I ain't ever had someone believe in me like you do. It's nice," He admitted.

I couldn't help but smile, because if I could make at least one person feel like they were worth something, it was _all_ worth it.

(Lola)

My wedding was literally hours away, and Jax was gone. Out on a run, doing God knows what. It was Wendy's night with Abel, Gemma was busy. I had the house to myself and although I should be resting up for my big day, I couldn't fucking sleep. Not to mention it was barely ten o'clock.

So I decided to walk down the street to the bar on the corner, The Bone Yard or something of the sort, and have a few drinks.

Juice said he would meet me there, and I could tell he was excited at the prospect of a little one on one time together. Truth he told we used to be thick as thieves, but ever since Opie died...

Nothing has been the same.

I suppose as my wedding day neared I thought about him more and more.

I thought about how strange it was that he was gone and I was doing this all over again.

I swore I wouldn't; I swore I wouldn't do this to myself.

Yet here I was, making the same decision with a different man.

 _The man._

There wasn't anyone else in the world I could even consider saying yes to, and yet, I was more nervous now than I was five years ago when I did it the first time.

This time was so different.

It felt so different.

I couldn't help but remember that first time I saw Jax...

 _Luke was staring up at me with malice reflecting in his eyes._

" _Remember this moment the next time you_ _ **ever**_ _think about calling me, you trust fund bastard."_

 _He spit blood from his mouth and I turned, laughing through the pain._

 _Yet another man to blow me off, to bite the dust._

 _Around here they were a dime a fucking dozen and they didn't stick around long._

 _Why would they?_

 _A girl like me wasn't worth the gas money._

" _Hey, can I buy you a drink?"_

 _The man who spoke was tall, handsome. He had kind eyes._

 _My gaze moved to the man beside him; blue eyes, blonde hair. Not my usual type, but the way he was looking at me was...different._

 _Like he wanted more than my body; he wanted my mind._

 _He wanted things I couldn't give him._

 _Oh, I knew that look. I'd gotten it before._

 _But I wasn't ready to share myself, not like that, and not with a man who could burn me up inside like I_ _ **knew**_ _he could._

 _So I looked over at his friend, smiled my biggest smile, and nodded._

" _Sure."_

The bar was packed as I stepped inside, making sure to spot Juice before I bothered with a table. He sat at the bar, his stool facing the front doors.

I waved him over, smiling when he smiled at me first.

"Hey, cowboy. It's packed in here tonight," I commented. He shrugged, pointed to a table back near the front windows.

I nodded and followed him, thanking him when he pulled my chair out for me first. I sat down hard, huffing as a server came towards me immediately.

"Hey there, Mrs. Teller! What can I get started for you?," a perky blonde asked.

I blinked.

Juice cleared his throat and motioned to her.

"Four shots of tequila sweetheart, and make it quick."

She smiled wide, nodding her pretty head as she left us.

"Hey, you okay?"

"My name is going to be Lola Teller," I murmured.

I looked at my left hand, a hand that had worn a ring from another man for _so long_.

The yellow diamonds on my finger were sparkling like crazy and I briefly wondered if I was making the right decision.

"Lola, hey, look at me. Are you okay?"

"Should I be doing this? This is wrong, isn't it?," I asked in a rush.

The perky blonde with the nice tits set down our shots and I slid two towards myself, swallowing them both in succession.

"Babe, you're scaring me. What's wrong? Are you gettin' cold feet? That's okay, it happens," Juice said calmly as he laid a warm palm over my hand still holding the shot glass.

I swallowed audibly, trying not to cry.

"I've been thinking about Opie. Do you think he would be okay with this?," I whispered.

Juan's eyes narrowed as he leaned in closer to me.

"Lola, you're the most loyal women I've ever met. Do you really think he would want you to deny yourself happiness?," He asked me.

"You think that you're doing him wrong by moving on with your life? After everything that's happened since he died, don't you think you've _earned_ that right?," He asked fiercely.

I squeezed his hand and nodded.

"You're right. Damn it, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm just- this whole Tara thing has me more fucked up than I've let on," I admitted.

Juice snorted.

"No kidding. I don't know why she's here but I'll be damned if it ain't killin' everyone's buzz," He chuckled.

I sat back in my chair, enjoying the warm tingles from the tequila.

Juice was in the middle of telling me about the new video game he was playing when a shadow fell over the table.

"Isn't this cozy?"

 _No._

 _Not tonight!_

Her voice made me cringe, but I didn't show her how annoyed I was to see her here.

Tara Knowles was a gnat that couldn't catch a hint, so she'd stay on me like a fly on shit if I wasn't careful.

Personally, I'd rather get to the point.

"Juice, sweetheart, why don't you take a walk for a few? Head outside for a smoke, call Jax. I want to speak with Tara," I said politely.

His eyes widened and I knew exactly what he was thinking- _this bitch is fucked_ \- but I didn't want to fight.

I wanted to talk.

Tara hesitantly took his seat, her green eyes assessing me as mine did her.

"What do you want, Tara?"

She sighed and sipped from her own drink, what smelled like rum to me, before she dropped the glass onto the table.

"You were married to Opie."

I nodded.

"He died this year," she said softly.

I sat back, crossed my arms across my chest.

"Sure did," I said drolly.

Her eyes narrowed.

"That doesn't upset you?"

"On the contrary. I tried to commit suicide," I said truthfully.

Her eyes widened and she licked her lips before she nodded.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have assumed that."

"No, you shouldn't have. But I don't blame you. You don't know me," I said with a shrug.

She fiddled with her glass as she continued.

"I didn't come here to cause problems between you and Jax-"

"You haven't," I told her confidently.

She frowned.

"I didn't know he was seeing someone. I don't know-honestly I don't know why I came back here," she whispered.

I could tell that was the first truthful thing she'd said all night.

Maybe even since she'd been back.

"Sure you do. There are two reasons you could come back here. One: You're running from something, and you thought, as a _last resort_ , that Jax would fix the problem for you," I said.

Her eyes narrowed.

She waited.

"Or two: Clay called you, told you Jax still loved you, and that if you high-tailed that righteous ass back here, you could _finally_ wear the crown."

She leaned forward.

"Listen here you little backwoods, hillbilly, white trash, _whore!_ You don't know anything about me. You don't know anything about me and Jax! What we had- there's no comparison."

I smiled at her.

"Is that so?"

She nodded, her hazel eyes blazing with anger.

"Let's address one thing at a time, sweetheart. First off; I did a little recon of my own. See, you and Clay were careful-but not careful enough. You may be using burner phones but just about _anyone_ can be followed. I've got photos of you two together, _alone_."

 _Dear, God, don't take my bluff!_

Her eyes widened slightly; her cheeks flushed. In the bar lighting I could see the sweat beading her forehead.

Her hold on her glass tightened.

"That's right. And how do you think that would look to Jax, you and Clay meeting up alone? I tell you what, it doesn't look too good. Especially if I play him the recordings I have of the two of you conspiring together to break up our fucking wedding," I hissed. Her mouth fell open and I smiled, nodding to Juice who was looking at me through the glass panes of the front door.

"How did you-"

I held my hand up, stopping her.

"Doesn't matter. What matters is that you drove across the country to try to stop my wedding, a wedding that _Jackson_ planned, mind you. Did you really think that he was going to welcome you with open arms?," I asked.

She ground her teeth together as her jaw clenched and I waited.

And waited.

"I thought we could start over. I thought him and I could- just _be_ together," she finally said.

"And what about Abel?"

She frowned.

"What about him?"

"Well, they're a package deal. Did you really think you could handle a child with him so soon? Jax isn't a dating guy. He's a forever guy. Coming here after not speaking for as long as you gone without speaking doesn't bode well to begin with, but you didn't even stop to think about his son?," I asked.

Her face fell and I knew then and there that she didn't love Jax.

How could she?

Abel was his whole world, and if she hadn't thought about him, then she wasn't serious about Jax.

"That leaves only one option, Tara. What did Clay offer you?"

She didn't answer me quickly enough, so I slammed my palm on the table loud enough to make her jump.

"He didn't promise me anything other than revenge! Jax wasn't supposed to marry some _whore!_ He was supposed to marry me! I have his crow, not you!," She spat viciously.

"So if you take away his queen, then his whole kingdom crumbles? Right?"

"Right," she hissed.

I slid my glass across the table and smacked hers out of her hands.

"Do you know why the club respects me so much?," I whispered.

"I don't care," she said.

I smiled.

"You should. Because the way you speak to me in the next five minutes could just save your life," I snapped.

Her spine stiffened.

"Are you threatening me?"

"No. I'm making you a promise; and I always keep my word," I said.

"If you leave town tonight, you can take the recording and photos I have of you and Clay with you. I won't tell Jax the truth about why you were really here, and as far as Clay is concerned, he'll be clueless."

"And if I don't?"

"Well, darlin', I do believe you'll be the one to break my non-violent streak," I said as I watched her.

Her teeth chewed on her bottom lip, and I waited, until she suddenly looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

"I just wanted him to hurt like I did."

"He _did._ You just weren't here. So what's is gonna be?"

"I'll go," She whispered.

"Wearing a bird and some words on your skin don't make you his old lady, Tara. Sticking around does. Being there when he needs you, taking care of him and his child. Supporting him, guiding him, being a shoulder when he needs one. Loving him enough to trust him to make the right decision for you, for his family. Knowing that at the end of the day the only people you have to count on is each other, and trusting that foundation- that makes you an old lady.I'm sorry that it didn't work out here for you, but trust me when I tell you, that you want to be as far away as you can be from this place. Don't ever come back here, or you'll end up regretting it," I said.

Her tears fell and she nodded her head, wiping away the tears discreetly as she stood.

"I believe you when you say you won't tell Jax, Lola. I hope that one day you can forgive me for doing this. For letting my jealousy get the better of me. I really didn't think this through, but I'm ready to go."

I stood too, wrapping my arms around Tara Knowles like I never had before.

"Just smile at Juice when you leave. I don't want him to worry, okay?"

As she pulled back, she nodded.

"If you have those recordings then you know what Clay wants to do to you," she said softly.

I heard myself laugh.

"Don't worry about him, baby. He's already got an expiration date."

She winced and I watched as she threw a purse over her shoulder, her keys in hand.

"You can keep the photos and the recordings. By the time Jax sees them I'll be long gone," She said assuredly.

I nodded, watching as she turned and left me behind her.

Juice watched her until she was gone from my sight, and then I collapsed into my chair.

 _Fuck._

 _She'd fallen for it._

I had no fucking photos or recordings but I knew my gut instinct would be right and damn, but it was.

What a traitorous bitch, but I was really trying to be lead by example. I had to be strong and smart; the less attention I garnered the better.

"You okay?"

"Where's that little waitress? Ask her for a pitcher of margaritas," I mumbled.

Juice smirked, his lean hands waving her over.

"Your man says he has a present for you, little Lola."

I smiled.

"Oh yeah? And what is that?"

"He says it's a Clay free honeymoon," Juice said.

I tossed my head back and laughed, slapping the table lightly as I did so.

"That, my dearest friend, sounds _fabulous."_


	14. Chapter 14

The Wedding (Part One)

(Lola)

Pearls.

There were tons of pearls, and sparkles, and a lot of glittering eyeshadow.

However, nothing could quell the butterflies in my stomach.

Gemma's hands were everywhere all at once as she buttoned my wedding gown. The satin material was a strapless mermaid number, covered in lace and glittering jewels. It was far more opulent than my first wedding dress, but that didn't really matter. What mattered was the man waiting outside for me as I let some croweater who had a cosmetology degree and who smelled like vodka slather on some matte red lipstick.

"It's longwear, sweetheart. It'll last through all the booze _and_ the kisses," She said with a wink.

I tried to smile, but it literally felt like all the walls were closing in on me, and I couldn't breathe.

Gemma seemed to sense my panic, because she cupped my face in her hands and looked me in the eyes.

"You look like you're about to bolt. What do you need, sweetheart?"

"Jax. I need to call Jax," I murmured.

All I could picture in my head was Opie; he wasn't here, and I was moving on like he never even existed.

Gemma handed me her cell and I dialed Jax's number.

" _Ma?"_

"It's me," I whispered.

" _Lola? What's the matter, baby?"_

"Are we doing the right thing?," I asked.

There was a pause.

" _I have something being delivered to your room. Call me back after you read it."_

The sound of a heavy click filled my ear and I frowned as the door to my room opened.

"Lola?"

I heard the small and squeaky voice of Abel Teller and I smiled instinctively.

"Hey, honey."

"Daddy told me it was time for you to have this," He said with a smile.

I took it from him and felt my hands begin to shake when I saw Opie's handwriting on the small white envelope.

When I noticed Abel watching me, I tucked the envelope into my hand and moved down to his level.

"What's up, baby?"

"He also told me that you're supposed to kiss the messenger."

I giggled at that, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his nose.

"Do you know what's happening today?"

Jax and I had talked to Abel about us getting married multiple times, but I just wanted to make sure Abel was happy before I walked down the aisle.

He took my hand into his, the one without that damn envelope burning the palm, and smiled.

"You're gonna say yes to being my second mommy."

I smiled wide, wrapping my arms around him.

"That's right. And what did I tell you last night?"

"That you love me and no matter what, you'll always be there for me."

His smile made me ache inside.

I nodded and pulled back, gesturing to Gemma.

"Why don't you take lover boy and the rest of these girls out of here. I'll be out when the music starts."

I sounded more confident than I really felt, but Gemma didn't comment.

She just nodded, snapped Abel up into her capable arms, and ushered all the crow eaters out the door behind her.

I sighed with relief when it closed and hurriedly ripped open the envelope in question.

I pulled out a letter, it wasn't too long, but Opie's familiar scrawl came to light and I choked on a sob.

 _Dear Lola._

 _My sweet girl. We've all been advised to write letters to anyone we could possibly leave behind in this life, and you're the only one I got. I love you too, ya know._

 _Never thought I'd find someone to ride or die with me, but then I found you._

 _You're my all, you know that though...at least I hope you do._

 _I know you've always been jealous of the club and I don't blame you. But you don't complain and you help me through whatever I need you to, and that made me fall even harder for you._

 _If I'm gone when you read this letter I want you to know something: I loved you with everything I had. It wasn't much, and it sure as hell wasn't what you deserved, but I did._

 _I don't want you to wallow._

 _I want you to move on and be happy and I want you to give your all to someone who does deserve it._

 _Like Jax._

 _May not seem like it, but that man loves you, too._

 _Maybe even better than I ever could._

 _He's a good man, and I've asked him to look out for you if anything happens to me._

 _If nothing ever happens between you two, then so be it._

 _But if something does, then I don't want you to question him. Consider my blessings given. I love you, Lola Winston._

 _P.s. Don't tell Jax I told you he's in love with you, he doesn't know I know. He'd probably still try to kick my ass if he knew._

 _All my love,_

 _Your husband_

I folded the letter back into place and stuffed it inside the envelope.

I wanted so badly to cry, to say a small prayer, but all I could manage was a muffled sob into my palm. That man, that sweet, stupid man.

Why had Jax waited so long to give this to me?

 _I wasn't ready to say goodbye, yet._

I flipped Gemma's phone open and dialed his number one more time.

I could hear other people in the background, which told me he was waiting by the alter for me.

" _Did you read it?"_

"No."

" _And? Do you still want to know if we're doing the right thing?"_

"Tell the preacher man to start the music, sweetheart. I'll be down in a minute," I said as I snapped the phone closed.

"Opie, you stubborn bastard, if you're here today, I want you to know that I'll always love you. I'll always miss you. And thank you," I whispered as I looked around the room.

The sun was coming in through the window and I felt a breeze slip inside, caressing my skin almost like a hug.

I smiled, imagining Opie's arms wrapping around me.

"I'm going to let Jax have this letter, but don't worry. I think he's grateful to you too."

The door to my room flew open and I paused, wondering for the millionth time in one day if I was crazy.

Taking one last glance in the mirror, I adjusted my veil and smiled.

 _I'm marrying Jackson Teller today._

I grabbed my bouquet and headed for the door, sliding the letter into the folds of flowers so I could make sure Jax got it back. The breeze was wonderful for the hot California day, and I steadily made my way towards the exit that led me outside. The venue was beautiful, the nicest in town, and through the windows I could see the piles of flowers and jewels. The chiffon material that hung from a gorgeous white arch was floating in the wind and I could see Jax, standing tall with his hands clasped at his waist.

He had his long hair slicked back, and a sexy tux on.

I smiled at the expression on his face as his groomsmen Juice, Happy, and Chibs, nudged him and made some (covert) sexual gestures.

Gemma caught my eye through the window and winked at me, and just like that, my music was playing.

I saw Ratboy and Chucky, also dressed to the nines, reach behind them and open the doors.

I heard footsteps behind me and turned to see Tig heading for me.

"Did you really think I'd let you walk down that aisle alone?"

He looked handsome as hell, with his hair also slicked back and a tuxedo that fit him perfectly.

I felt tears well up in my eyes for the hundredth time and smiled.

"What kind of a man would you be if you did?"

"A damn stupid one. You look absolutely breathtaking."

I took the arm he held out to me and peeked towards the doors.

"He can't see you yet. Relax, baby. He's gonna lose his mind when he sees you."

I gripped his arm tightly, nodding my head. My long hair was pinned loosely at my nape, wrapped with flowers and strings of pearls. A few strands fell to my neck and Tig gently brushed them aside as we began to move.

The music was loud, pretty, a tinkle of music really.

When my face hit the sunlight I could see that everyone was standing, and Jax's whole face fell.

I saw him cup a hand over his mouth, his bright blue eyes trained directly on me.

"Look at that, Lola. You can bring that man to his knees with just a look," Tig whispered into my ear.

 _He's got me on mine, that's for sure._

I was trying my hardest not to completely lose it myself as we neared the altar. Gemma was dabbing at her eyes, Wendy of all people was waiting for me to hand her my own bouquet. As I stepped up to the altar, the preacher smiled at me and Tig pressed my hand into Jax's.

The expression on his face was definitely one I hadn't seen before.

His eyes were rimmed with fresh tears and he drew in a shaky breath as he took my hand into his.

His grip was tight and reassuring, and I hadn't realized I needed him to touch me until he did.

Wendy took my bouquet and I turned back to Jax, who struggled to mouth the words _I love you._

I told him I loved him too, and smiled when he tucked his bottom lip in between his teeth and smiled.

I could see Juice and Chibs grinning like maniacs behind him and it made me laugh, breaking the tension.

"Let's get started, shall we?"

As Jax held onto my hands like I would disappear with the breeze, we exchanged our vows. Simple, sweet, to the point- until the preacher announced us hitched and said that we could kiss to seal the deal.

Jax yanked me into his chest, cupped my cheeks, and bent me backwards over his thigh as he leaned into a kiss that made me dizzy and weak and literally _ecstatic._

The whole world faded away as he held me, and I knew in that moment, that this was _destiny._

Fate, divine intervention, whatever you want to call it- this moment had been in the works for six years.

It was worth every second of the wait.

Everyone around us cheered and I laughed through my tears as Jax righted our stance, his hands still cupping my cheeks.

"You're so fuckin' beautiful," He whispered as he kissed me again.

I didn't hesitate.

"So are you."

He huffed a breath and his blue eyes met mine with a startling clarity.

"I've been waiting for this day for so long, I never thought it would happen. I can't even tell you how happy I am," He admitted.

I ran a hand along his cheek, swiping the letter from my bouquet. I laid it against his chest and kissed his chin.

"You should read it. I think he'd want you to," I said softly.

Jax's eyes roamed over every inch of me before he leaned down to kiss me again.

"I'd love to. Thank you for sharing it with me."

"You're my _husband._ I'll share everything with you," I whispered.

His eyes widened slightly before he wrapped me in his arms, tightly, and buried his face in my neck.

"I need you to promise me this isn't a dream and that you'll never leave me, Lola. I couldn't take it if you did."

"I promise."

The words were the easiest I'd spoken in a long, long, time. I meant them with all of my heart, and I hoped like hell he knew that.

"I'm not a perfect man, and I can't give you everything you deserve, but I'll try to make you happy until the day I die. You're more than my wife, or my old lady. You're my best friend and my partner. Do you understand?"

He asked this of me as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, as he nudged my chin with his index finger.

"I understand."

I heard a screech and laughed as Abel launched himself into Jax's arms. Jax rocked backwards from the force and we both smiled as Abel looked at the both of us.

"You guys are married now?"

I nodded.

"Sure are."

"So now I have a _mommy_ and a _daddy?"_

The question made my eyes well up and I nodded fervently.

"Yes, baby. Always."

He wrapped his arms around both of our necks and squeezed tightly.

"I love you," Abel said.

Jax and my's eyes met over his little blonde head and we smiled.

"We love you, too."

We heard the tinkling sound of silverware on crystal and turned to see Gemma smiling wide.

"Hello! If everyone could please head across the courtyard, we'll let the bridal party take photos while everyone gets themselves a snack and a drink."

True to her word, across the courtyard was an array of tables, a large white tent complete with a dance floor and what looked to be a DJ, as well as three long tables lined with food and desserts buffet style.

Abel hopped down and motioned towards the food.

"I'm hungry, see ya later!"

Jax and I both laughed, but he pulled me into his arms.

"You got any idea what I wanna do to you right now? That dress is far too tight for me to wanna keep my hands to myself."

I smirked, sliding closer to him.

"You should see what's underneath it."  
His smile turned deliciously mischievous.

"Yeah?"

"I got myself a little red get up on, and let me tell you, it'll knock your argyle socks off baby."

He chuckled and I jumped when a large hand settled on my ass.

"That sharp tongue of yours is gonna get you into trouble."

I looked around, noting that all of the SONS seemed to be headed right for us, before I whispered into his ear, "You just wait, I'll show you what this tongue can do."

He choked on a breath as he tried to loosen his bow tie.

"You little minx, you don't fight fair."

"I wonder who taught me that?," I teased.

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"You're a damn good old lady, I tell you what."

I quirked my eyebrows at the compliment when Happy, Chibs, Tig, Juice, and Ratboy joined us. Yet I didn't see my boy, Julian, anywhere.

"Where's Julian?"

Jax smiled wickedly at me.

"He's around here somewhere."

I frowned, ignoring all the stares of the SONS as I searched the crowd for him.

"What do you mean? I thought he'd be the first face I saw."

Tig chuckled and I sent him a glare that he easily deflected.

The weight of my wedding rings felt heavy and new as I waited for someone to explain.

"Relax, baby. It's a surprise, okay? Let's take some pictures, and then we'll go eat. He'll be here by the time we have our first dance, I promise."

I relaxed, nodding my head.

"Okay, fine, but only because I'm hungry."

Jax rolled his eyes and I settled into his arms, smiling wide before the photographer had to ask me to.


	15. Chapter 15

(Wedding Part Two)

(Lola)

Julian spun me in his arms, but he wouldn't make eye contact with me.

"Julian, you better have a good reason for keepin' quiet," I said sternly.

He winced and shook his dark head, only glancing at me from beneath his lashes for a moment.

"He's here, ain't he?"  
Julian shook his head like he had no idea what I was talking about, but I _knew._

" _Clay is here!,"_ I whisper-yelled.

Julian's eyes widened and I tightened my hold on him.

"Listen here, child. You're going to tell me _everything_ , or I'm gonna make your life miserable."

I heard the song change, and I slowed our pace, not taking my eyes off of him for a moment.

"I just know that I overheard Jax and Lee talkin' about how tonight was the night."

It made sense to me.

They'd all have an alibi.

Not that anyone would have any reason to _miss_ that nasty old fuck, but still. It was very clever, and I felt a pang of envy. I wanted the kill.

I'd mentioned it to Jax a time or two, but he thought he was giving me a gift.

I didn't enjoy the murder aspect of our lives, no I didn't; but I wasn't afraid to get my hands dirty. That's the price you pay when you decide to take reign over SAMCRO.

Julian paused, and then he shook his head.

"No, Lola! _NO!_ This ain't for you-"

I stomped my heel on the instep of his foot and he swore, jumping up and down as he tried to keep his balance.

"Don't tell me what to do!," I called over my shoulder.

(Jax)

Lola looked like a dream. A sexy, lacy, wet dream.

She was laughing with Julian as he danced her around the dance floor, and I felt a pang of contentment at how damn happy she looked. She was a gorgeous woman, all long black hair and bright blue eyes. Her dress was something only Gemma could help design; it showed off her slim figure better than anything I'd ever seen. I slid my hand into my pocket and pulled out the letter she'd handed to me a couple of hours before.

If I had ever wondered how Opie would feel about our relationship, I now had my answer.

I felt _blessed_ , and I wasn't a holy man.

I felt so lucky to be surrounded by these people who loved me and my wife so much that we could feel the magic in the air.

Everywhere I turned there were sparkling centerpieces with rose gold and peach colored stones, bright orange roses, tulle bows.

Every one of my friends were here, including some townies and of course every patch member from Tacoma- including Lee, who was nodding at me now.

"Everything is ready, boss man."

 _Everything is ready._

 _How long have I waited to hear those fucking words?_

I turned to see Happy smiling at me like he did when he knew trouble was around the corner.

Trouble wasn't exactly the word I'd use; _redemption, resolution, happiness_ , those were words I would use.

I promised Lola a Clay free honeymoon, and I meant to give that to her.

It was bittersweet; seeing the end of an era, knowing that Clay would be gone. He'd been a prominent figure in my life for so many years, and I was still shocked that it had come to this.

Even if we'd been able to make amends, even if we'd somehow found a way to repair _some_ of what we used to share, that would have all been scorched the second he ordered someone to lay hands on my _wife._

Looking around the dance floor, I noticed a vital difference.

"Where is Lola?"

I asked this question as I saw Julian now dancing with Gemma, trying very obviously to avoid her wandering hands. The sight made me uncomfortable.

Happy swore under his breath.

"I think I know exactly where that mouthy broad is," He murmured.

My eyes followed his gaze and I realized in that moment that she'd outsmarted all of us.

 _Son of a bitch!_

The plan had been a simple one; corner Clay calmly with Lee there to back me up, and with the consent of both clubs, vote in Mr. Mayhem.

Wham, bam, thank you ma'am- simple.

Except Lola had other ideas, because now she was nowhere to be seen, and I knew she wasn't stupid. She was the smartest, most capable bitch on this entire plot of land. She was cunning and vicious when provoked; she was truly a reaper.

We had that full disclosure policy in place and we used it often. She knew that Clay was going to meet his doom in one way or another, but she just couldn't wait.

 _She never really could._

"Head back into the building. Tig and Chibs still waiting with Lee?"

Happy nodded and I tugged on my bow tie.

"That woman is gonna be the death of me," I grumbled.

Happy smiled wide, slapping me on the back.

"That woman is the only thing that keeps you grounded. Quit complainin', we'd kill for an old lady like her," He admitted.

I smiled too, admitting to myself that he was right.

As we both rounded the corner that led to an abandoned outdoor unisex restroom, I waited for Happy to step inside before I joined him and locked the door behind me.

I could hear murmuring, not a good sign. Lee was closest to the door, but when he turned to look at me, his expression gave nothing away.

Then I saw her.

Standing with her back to me, her dress splayed around her.

There she was, smiling with Lee like Clay wasn't tied to a chair less than two feet away from her, gagged and glaring at her. She didn't give away a fucking thing as she watched him, her spine stiff and her eyes narrowed. She was downright frightening, sexy, _perfect._

Clay looked just as I'd left him: a little worse for wear. Bloody and defeated, much like Opie had looked in his final moments of life. Much like I _felt_ when I watched him fall to his knees and take his final breath.

 _I can't take this away from her._

"Lola Teller, what are you doing?"

She held up a gun and wiggled her eyebrows.

"I'm doin' you a favor."

In that moment I knew that marrying her had been nothing short of an act of God himself; I simply didn't deserve her.

I'd have to spend the rest of my life proving to her that she made the right decision.

I'd spend all of my nights, all of my days worshipping her for the Goddess she was- the angel here to guide my soul towards a righteous path.

"Alright, Gents, this is most certainly club business for you...but for me, this is personal. This man right here tried to kill me, and I want my pound of flesh," Lola hissed.

 _There she is._

 _My brave old lady._

Clay started to laugh and she slammed the butt of _my_ gun into his temple.

He choked on the gag and she smiled at him then.

"Don't you worry, sweetheart. This won't take long, I've got a cake to cut."

His eyes narrowed and Lola cocked the gun in her hand and turned to looked at all of us.

"I want an 'aye' from everyone in the room before I pull the trigger," She said softly.

"Aye," I murmured.

"Aye." Tig was in.

"Aye," Happy said.

"Aye, Lass," Chibs said.

"Aye," Lee rasped.

I watched her spine stiffen as she ripped the gag from Clay's mouth and dropped it to the ground.

"You cost me my old man. You took away every good thing that came into my life for six years, Clay Morrow."

The dim lighting in the bathroom made her look like a sparkling angel of death, a white reaper; all she was missing was the wings.

"You've got so much blood on your hands old man, that you can't even see the skin anymore. You tried to take away the only thing I got left; you tried to take me away from the only _family_ I got left," She said.

He smirked at her.

"You're nothin' but a glorified crow eater, bitch. Jax is gonna suck you dry and use you up like he does everyone else. You think you're special?"

Her whole face fell into a frown I hadn't seen in _ages_ as she took a few steps back from him.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion as she glanced at me before she raised the gun in her hands and aimed it directly at his head.

I could see the tears reflecting in her jade eyes, I could hear the ragged breath she sucked in through her nose. I could see the unsteady rise and fall of her chest as she put her finger over the trigger. Her tone was seething as she cocked her head to the side.

"I'm the _queen."_

The only sound after that was echo my glock made as Clay's head exploded.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you to everyone who has stuck by this story!**

 **It was meant to be a fluffy, romantic story and I hope I delivered.**

 **Enjoy the ending!**

 **(Don't own Sons, but wish I did)**

Six Months Later

(Lola)

To admit that I'd committed murder would be to say that I cared; when in fact, I did _not._

Killing clay had been a favor for everyone of SAMCRO, and I'd gotten more than my fair share of thanks to prove it.

The tears of relief, sadness, but most of all _freedom_ in Gemma's eyes had been gift enough. Jax had murmured how proud he was of me over and over later that night as we'd made love.

Julian had told me he well and truly feared me now, as he always should have.

Happy, Tig, Chibs, and Lee all slapped me on the back and told me I was 'officially-but-unofficially' one of the guys.

 _I'm the queen._

Being queen meant a lot of things; it meant doing things that no one else wanted to do, it meant loving everyone with an open mind, it meant _forgiving_ people for things they shouldn't be forgiven for.

For the betterment of everyone else.

Being with Jax was something that made me happy; it made Abel happy, and most of all, it made _Jax_ happy.

Our problems were now dead and buried.

Our enemy was now eliminated, and for those of us who were still around, it meant a whole new start.

I didn't have control over the club business aspect of SAMCRO- I could only make sure the home front was ready for anything.

Jax's eyes were on me now as I wiped down the bar, I could read his expression so easily. He'd had a good church session, and when I saw Julian leave the room wearing a kutte, I squealed loudly.

"My baby!," I cried, running for Julian.

He caught me around the waist and spun me around wildly, laughing right along with me.

I heard chuckles from around the room and opened my eyes as I smoothed Julian's hair out of his face.

"I'm so damn _proud_ of you," I whispered.

His crooked smile only grew wider, his bright eyes growing wet.

"I have you to thank, ya know."

I shrugged, rolling my eyes as I giggled.

"I know, but you worked so hard to get here and I couldn't be happier for you."

He ducked his head as he set me down and I turned to look around the room.

"Hello, what the hell are you guys doing? Round up all our friends, tonight we're celebrating!," I called.

Happy nudged me and pointed towards Julian.

"He's right, mama. You did good by that kid. You're a great old lady," He said sweetly.

My eyes fell on the picture of Opie up on the wall behind the bar, and I smiled.

"Yeah, I am, aren't I?"

"Drunk Lola night! Keep your eyes peeled boys, we'll see an ass cheek or two tonight from the Queen!," Juice called as he winked at me.

I looked towards Jax and saw his warm smile in my direction.

His blue eyes glinted with promises he's always kept, and I saw his wedding ring glint in the sunlight like a reminder of how damn blessed we were.

"Actually, boys, I think there's something you need to know."

I waited until all eyes were on me, including Jax's.

His expression was one of grand curiosity, and I felt the butterflies in my stomach flap wildly against my insides.

"This little lady won't be able to drink any alcohol for about, well, seven more months," I said.

It was so silent in the room I could practically hear my own heartbeat until I heard Jax's husky voice.

"You havin' my baby, woman?"

I smiled and nodded, gasping when he wrapped his arms around me and spun me around.

"We're havin' a baby!," He called happily.

Chibs chuckled from his seat at the bar and Tig whistled loudly.

"Who says miracles don't happen?," Tig said.

I heard Chucky congratulate us from across the room and I blew him a kiss.

"You're havin' my baby," Jax said with a blinding smile on his perfect mouth as he set me down on my feet.

I cupped his cheeks and nuzzled his nose with mine.

"We did it, baby."

He looked around the room with me, and time seemed to slow down- it was finally sinking in that we'd _made_ it.

Together we'd singlehandedly changed the course of our lives, and avoided the trainwreck they could have become. I'd watched Jax turn this club around for the better, for the _righteous_ , all while maintaining his place as my husband and Abel's father.

He'd done it, the very thing his father had always hoped for- he'd revived SAMCRO.

"I love you, ya know."

His expression told me exactly that, and I sighed with pure happiness as I blinked away fresh tears.

"I love you, too."

Our story wasn't conventional- it wasn't even _normal._

We lived a life not many could live, not happily, anyways.

Hell, half the time I wondered what the point of our entire existence even was. Yet with Jax, everything was just so _easy._

It felt right, and safe, and...fated.

Yeah, our love hadn't started off easily and our circumstances made things harder, but I loved him and our make-shift family with my whole heart. On nights when the heaviness was too much to bear, he would hold me until the tears stopped- or vice versa.

Abel was our motivator for everything good, and he was growing into such a wonderful young man.

Either one of us were always around for him if he should ever need us- and even on days when I missed Opie more than anything, I could close my eyes and know I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Here, with Jax, with our children (I had a feeling it was a girl, and she was surely going to shake things up) and that's the only place I ever wanted to be.

"You know you're the best thing to ever happen to me, right?," I asked.

Jax's expression softened as he leaned fell to his knees and kissed my flat tummy.

"Same goes, darlin.'"

The End


	17. Chapter 17

The link to my new sequel:

s/12316158/1/Daisies

i hope you read it and enjoy!

(Can't get the link to work correctly, you may have to copy and paste in your browser)


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